Till death do us part

Recently, it was reported that writer Amy Krouse Rosenthal, who has terminal ovarian cancer penned a dating profile for her husband of 26 years, Jason Rosenthal. The heart-warming column, which went viral on the Internet, shared Amy’s feelings for her husband and beautifully narrated how she feels it’s all right for her husband to find love after she’s gone. Amy said that she wrote the column in hopes that the right person reads this, finds Jason, and another love story begins.

Encouraging a partner to find love after your death is a difficult topic to broach, agrees psychotherapist Dr Kashissh Chhabriaa, “It takes a lot of courage to accept your illness and it would get extremely overwhelming for the partner to understand that there is going to be a permanent vacuum. Make the partner happy and tell him/her that you want to see them just as content after the death. This would be a trigger because emotions make people work,” she shares.

With relationships spanning over two decades, bonds tend to get strong. In such a situation, it isn’t easy for people to wrap their heads  around the the fact that their partner won’t be a part of their life anymore, explains relationship, expert Nisha Khanna, “Every person needs a companion and the partner who is on the death bed thinks their spouse is so emotionally attached to them, that they may not be willing to move on. It becomes important to explain it to them that their sanity is of paramount importance,” Nisha says.

She advises that it is better to discuss about such topics face to face instead of beating around the bush, Nisha feels, “It will be painful but you don’t necessarily have to be very detailed. In fact, you can also start the conversation by asking the partner about how they see their life after the death,” she says.  

While the person who steps into the shoes of the deceased spouse may not have it easy, being empathetic always helps, Kashissh explains, “One must understand that it will be extremely difficult to substitute a person or a bond, especially when there are children involved. The new partner will have to start from scratch and understand that acceptance will take time,” Kashissh explains.