In the words of the world’s most powerful douchebag…I mean President Douche bag… I mean President Trump: 2018 is gonna be YUGE!
Trump is a man who prides himself on his “words”… because he knows great words... like a lotta words… like big words… and little words… like words words. He does.
WORD.
I think the New Year will answer certain burning questions that have haunted us: How many red ties does Trump own? Does he have a translator while talking to Melania? Is she jealous of THE Donald’s love letters to Putin? How often is she supposed to smile? How often does she have to hold his hand ? How often does she have to smile WHILE holding his hand? Also, Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un share the same hair stylist. And if I may be so bold, truly awful hairstylist. Sorry to BBLUNT. (Low quality pun. I know. It’s the only one. Promise.) Even Salman Khan is like “ Kim Bhai, yeh Tere Naam walla haircut change karo yaar. That movie was soooo 2003!” Sallu has matured indeed. Gone from “Being DRIVER” to “Being HUMAN”
But enough about the Orange Man in the White House. Let’s move closer home, shall we? The Justice League and The Avengers are going to get into a bidding war over India’s newest super hero. Tharoor Man. He saves the world one fancy word at a time. Thepla Man came a close second, but the lack of protein in his diet was a cause for concern. Let’s face it: a methi roti was never going to stand up to “an exasperating farrago of distortions and misrepresentations and outright lies.”
If an English Debate World War ever broke out, India would be the only country with a one man army. Shashi Tharoor for the win. No, Victory. No, Triumph. No, Laurels. No, Conquest. No, Mastery. No, …you get the idea.
Rahul Gandhi’s new slogan is “I’m fair (literally and figuratively ) and lovely.” He is currently extremely busy being President of the INC …AND with his GK classes: Rahul beta, Karnataka is the STATE. Bengaluru is the CAPITAL. You can’t mix it up in future speeches! But what I love the most is Rahul baba will take a joke and pay no trolls to troll his trolls. Celebrities will continue to “slay” with their airport looks, give us “couple goals” and we will never tire of pictures of “Virushka” in Sabyasachi. (Manyavar is drinking itself silly and currently in therapy for not being good enough). Also, if Virat’s performance in the bedroom is dissatisfactory, can Anushka blame the Indian dressing room? Because there’s always “room” for improvement right?! (Sorry. I know I promised the previous low quality pun was my last)
Being hounded by my bank, credit card company and mobile service about the Aadhaar card is the closest I’ve come to having a stalker. I’ve never felt so wanted, needed and attractive in my adult life. After linking them though I started suffering withdrawal.
So I’m delaying mutual fund linkage just so my phone can keep beeping with reminders. If there is any way I can possibly link my soul to my Aadhaar just let me know.
Have a great 2018. PS: Do birds prefer their right wing?
