Future is woman

Women are now standing up tall, speaking out, breaking stereotypes, challenging norms, closing ranks, linking arms and leading a determined fight against a long history and culture of patriarchy and misogyny that denied them true equality all these years. On International Women’s Day, we celebrate this strong voice of womanhood

‘They have silenced our  laughter for too long now’
For long men have been telling us women how to behave, what clothes to wear, how many children to bear, how loudly we should laugh and how we should conduct ourselves. As women, this kind of moral policing has become an inexorable part of our lives. India wasn’t always so backward. This regression is a product of governance and the convenience of governance. Practices like sati came into existence, then there were the laws of inheritance that sidelined women completely. This subjugation then became a systematic process to alienate women. Naturally, as we went along, society started losing its perspective completely.  

The person in the highest office of this country got away making loose comments to a woman in Parliament, and had an entire contingent of men laughing at the inappropriate humour and supporting him. This is clearly far more deep-rooted than a political problem. The misogyny of these men stands exposed.

Men have notions of what is considered macho — strutting around with their shirt open, flaunting their abs, moustaches twirled up to their ears — men are unable to even free themselves of these stereotypes. All these men are Freud’s delight. They never pontify and think, “I won’t do these things because it is disrespectful to women.” They could be driving a Mercedes, but you scratch the surface and you’ll find misogyny. They live within a cesspool of misogyny and brutality and begin to believe that they are thriving. They have a fake sense of power.

If you challenge a bigot or a misogynist, they get aggressive or angry. But if you laugh at them, they just cannot bear it. They have silenced our laughter for too long now. Men must understand that we have the generosity to overlook the flaws of men, but we cannot remain nameless, faceless, voiceless servers to men’s fantasies and inflated egos.

Of course men and women are different. Men have brute strength, while we have strength of character. How else could women give birth to children? Giving birth is one of the toughest, most draining experiences ever. Men could never ever know what that feels like. It is not like men are not aware of this power struggle and the unfairness of it all.

Just like women have the pressure to keep silent, men also feel this pressure to form what we call “men’s clubs”. They begin to feel the need to exclude women from public spaces that they have “claimed” as their own. The moment women step out to reclaim those spaces as equals, men become extremely insecure. The problem stems from the fact that men can only perceive women in cognisable frameworks — of mother, sister, wife, grandmother. Anyone who doesn’t fit those set norms is a loose canon and cannot be allowed to exist. That is when the stereotyping begins.

If you are pious, you are Savitri, if you are liberated, you get branded as ‘Surpanakha’. Men may be stuck in the stereotypes of Sita and Savitri, but as women we have moved far ahead. We question mythology — re-read it from a woman’s perspective. Why does Sita have to prove her purity? When she emerges unscathed from the agni-pariksha, why was she banished? How is this abandonment justified? Sita goes back to Mother Earth. How is that story different from what it is now? Why is Surpanakha branded as a negative character? Why is it wrong to be sexually liberated without being labeled as “evil seductress”?

Today, women are turning these stereotypes on its head. They are forming ‘Surpanakha societies’. They are unapologetic about their choices and are brave enough to embrace the labels that aim to subjugate them and say, “If you think you want to call me Surpanakha, go ahead. I am who I am and you can never make me feel ashamed of the choices I make.”

Women have gone on to start campaigns like the “slut walk” and subverted this sort of naming and shaming and sent out a message “your opinion does not matter”. Another fabulous initiative was the Pink Chaddi campaign started by a “consortium of pub-going loose women”. There was a pub-bharo andolan against our self-appointed custodians of our culture Shri Ram Sena after they attacked women at a Mangalore pub a few years ago.

Another such incident was Andhra pubs introducing a 10pm deadline for women! How absolutely appalling! Are women not paying for their drink? Are they the ones getting into drunken brawls inside the pubs? No, it’s the men. Then why are we the ones with the curfew? Manohar Parrikkar’s recent comments on “beer-drinking” women show how deeply this misogyny is entrenched. It’s not rapists and murderers and terrorists, but beer-drinking “loose” women who are the biggest threat to society!

I have always lived life on my own terms. I rode a bike when I was in college. And even when I was damned and ostracised by society, I never once felt pressured to compromise on my choices. I was dark, I spoke up, my father refused to pay a dowry for my wedding and I was considered a problem. I embodied everything that society was and continues to be wary of. People wrote me off immediately. Today, it’s all those prophets of doom who have nowhere to go. Even today I continue to live life the way I want to. Every time I open my mouth, it still agitates the misogynists. I may choose to wear a sari, but that’s because I love saris. Not because anyone has forced me to.

The important question now is how do we as women deal with this moral police who feel societal control is the only way to keep a woman from becoming her own person. This is where I believe that as women we need to form a support system. We have a collective responsibility to stand up for each other. We must beat the men’s clubs with our own network of positivity and support. Those of us who have dared to cross the Lakshman-rekha must support others and stand by and see them through every step of the way. They should know there is someone who will back them. And the men should know that they can’t make us hold our tongues any more, they can’t make us swallow our laughter, they can’t tell us what to wear or when we should get married or what we should drink. We can stand up for ourselves and stand up for fellow women. There is great power in sisterhood.

March 8 is not the beginning or the end. It is a day to remind ourselves of the past while being acutely aware of the present with an eye on the future.