Writing personal stuff was tough: Sonali Bendre

Actor turned author Sonali Bendre talks about the courage it takes to open up and write about the personal aspects of one’s life

Many Bollywood celebrities are taking up writing and penning fiction and non-fictional tales. From Shilpa Shetty, Anu Aggarwal to Twinkle Khanna and Emraan Hashmi, there are several writers in the making. The recent one to join the league is actress Sonali Bendre. In her recent visit to the capital for the launch of her book The Modern Gurukul: My Experiment with Parenting, the actor-turned-writer speaks about her debut as an author, competing with men and motherhood.

Being a private person who takes a little more time to open up to even close associates, writing a book about her most personal experience (motherhood) was a big challenge. “As a writer, penning down personal stuff was tough and emotionally draining as it was way too close to my heart than expected,” shares Sonali, adding, “This isn’t a conventional self-help book. It is an honest and sincere narration of my journey as a parent.”

As an author she is more worried about how her son will react about the intimate details she has spoken about. “I have written about my struggles and frustration as a young mother. I have openly shared some very personal instances like why my baby doesn’t like my breast milk or his subsequent speech troubles. I have written these phases in a very positive way. I hope he (Ranveer) understands that when he grows up. The book highlights the need for a return to our roots to raise a healthy, curious, and, most importantly, a compassionate child.”

Asked about her husband Goldie Behl’s reaction to the book, she says, “He read the book and many things came as a surprise to him. He said his memory of the event is way different from what I have written. And that he didn’t even know that I was going through so much.”

Talking about her life and any regrets she has, as she started working at a young age, the actress says, “Both Goldie and I started working at a very young age.”She adds, “We have not done what teenagers normally would have. Coming of age was the most difficult period. As you lose your innocence and realise that the world is not just divided into black and white but there are many grey areas. Understanding that and coping was very difficult.”

Being an independent woman yet having a very strong feminine side to her, she says that she does not want to compete with men and adds that she enjoys the strength of a woman. “I don’t want to be equal to men. We are different and are meant to be that way. Women are more resilient than men. I thrive on the difference between a man and a woman and I love a well-behaved man opening the door for me and being caring. I am happy to be a woman,” point outs Sonali.

Being a freethinking decision-making individual since a young age, Sonali thought that motherhood as a journey would not be as difficult as it is made out to be. “I have always been a very rational and a practical person, so I thought to myself this phase wouldn’t be any different or more difficult. People told me marriage would change life, but life didn’t change for me. So, according to me a child woouldn’t change it either. During the period of my pregnancy, I read numerous books on the subject, thus I was under the impression that I am adequately prepared for what lies ahead.

But, the bubble burst soon after my son was born,” states Sonali and adds, “It was the time I was experimenting everything on him — from what elders told to what I had read. Without understanding if it is the right thing for him, in the process I lost some precious time bonding with my son. That was when I realised that one cannot blindly follow the things said or written — they might have worked for one kid but there is no guarantee that it will for another. I took a step back and started looking at my journey as a mother from a different perspective. I believe my true parenting journey began at that point.”