Gearing up for a royal encounter

Look. I am as much of a fan girl of the gorgeous British royal couple as anybody else, okay Laugh at me... it’s fine. Put it down to my disgusting, colonial hangover — theek hai! The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are as royal as royal can be. You can’t get more royal than these two hotties. Photogenic, impeccably attired and supremely — almost disappointingly — well behaved, they truly are the almost unreal, picture perfect royals. The ideal parivar, complete with two cherubic baby royals, who smile for paps and will soon perfect the friendly “royal wave”. In a violent, increasingly hideous world, in which we are bombarded with scenes of such unspeakable brutality and ugliness, that we want to shield ourselves from the daily assaults on our senses, here are two perfectly poised people, performing their assigned duties with grace and good humour. Their smiles look genuine and reach their eyes. When they engage with total strangers they may never meet again, they do so with dignity and charm. Even if this is a cultivated trait — I wish more people would take the trouble to cultivate it. Most times, one encounters such crass, loud, crude and rude behaviour, it upsets an otherwise well-regulated digestive system. Often I have to stop myself from retching in public while dealing with self-declared VVIPs.

Is this obnoxious conduct peculiar to India We have our erstwhile royals, too. While most of them act civilised and courteous, watch the same lot after a few down the hatch when their true colours emerge. Humility is tossed out of the window, as sneering arrogance takes over. I have had my share of heated conversations with our much-feted maharajas and maharanis. While the ladies are acutely aware of their status and conduct themselves with the required decorum, some of the men forget which era, which century, they are living in and foolishly launch into the whole “Hukum” rubbish. This is seriously gross and embarrassing — why has nobody bothered to tell them Most live off their junked titles, quite forgetting they are no longer entitled to use them. The younger generation of desi royalty should take a tip or two from William and Kate. Here’s a true blue royal couple that works hard and responsibly. Very few “subjects” back home are churlish enough to grudge them their posh lifestyle or resent their immense popularity across the world.

I can’t wait for the reception on April 10. And I can tell you unabashedly that I am thrilled to be invited. Mumbai society is all agog, with frantic phone calls going back and forth (“My invite has arrived! Has yours ”). Society grande dames are polishing their tiaras, practising curtsies and ordering ball gowns. This function, along with Zubin Mehta’s historic 80th birthday concert at Brabourne Stadium, later in the month, are both charity events. But beyond anything else, they are driven by the great personal standing and charisma of the individuals involved. Mumbai adores their maestro and it is only appropriate that he has chosen the city of his birth to celebrate his landmark birthday. There is an additional treat for fans — accompanying him will be Andrea Bocelli, the legendary tenor, along with Mexican soprano Maria Katzarava.

From small leaks in the press,we know the British royals have a pretty packed schedule in Mumbai. It is interesting to note they will be meeting young entrepreneurs in a really hip and informal setting — a popular pub called The Social, which is disarmingly relaxed, supercasual and a favourite of international back packers. They will also visit Mani Bhavan and pay their respects to Mahatma Gandhi. The centuries-old Banganga temple complex (1127 AD), right in the heart of the city, is on the list, too. People responsible for drawing up the itinerary must be congratulated. I recall a miserable looking Japanese princess some years ago, who looked ready to cry, as she was dragged from one tedious official function to the next during the imperial visit. When I met the young lady, I whispered, “Would you like to go clubbing Check out the cool scene in our city ” Her eyes lit up and she turned imploringly to her security detail. You can guess their response!

Kate and William will also get to interact with a carefully culled list of Bollywood stars. I am told certain top names were excluded for being too “controversial”. Pity. Those are the most interesting stars in Bollywood! And, the most successful, going by the number of national awards under their Gucci belts. It will be fun to see Bollywood royalty encounter asli British royalty. My guess is both sides will be mutually overwhelmed! My other guess is that our notoriously late superstars, who are used to arriving at 1 am for most events, will be forced to observe protocol this time. For any of our frenetically busy actors to turn up in south Mumbai for a 6.30 pm check in, seems like a Herculean feat. But hey — this isn’t just any event. This is the premiere trip of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge to India. Ironically, they will be staying at a hotel that was built in 1903 by Jamsetji Tata, with the specific aim of creating a luxury hotel for “natives” who were denied entry into other establishments at the time, which followed a “Whites only” policy. Outside the bay windows of their suite, they will see the magnificent Gateway of India, constructed to commemorate the visit of the Prince William’s ancestors, King George V and Queen Mary (they had to make do with a cardboard model, as the construction got delayed). Ironically, the last British troops to leave India, passed through the Gateway on February 28, 1928, signalling the end of British rule.

King George had arrived in Bombay to check on the Empire. Life has certainly come full circle. This time the Empire will be checking out his great great grandson!

Bharat Mata ki Jai!

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