Life in the fasting lane

Diyar fellow Indians, as you are knowing, we have recently completed our Karva Chauth festival, a great tradition celebrated in North India since centuries, and in rest of India since the ancient era of Karan Johar movies. It is a beautiful spectacle to see our women keep fast and dress up in bright, sanskaari clothes. What can be more romantic than seeing the person you love go hungry In fact, some men also joined in, thereby fasting for their own long life. It was a great celebration of humanity.

But as usual, some people were raising objections. I tell you, it has become a fashion today to criticise all our traditions. Tell me, when has any tradition or even superstition ever been harmful to society In the entire history of the world, has any good ever come of questioning accepted norms and beliefs I don’t understand why they are having problem with noble causes like promoting long life of just one gender. Is it a crime to mention men, sons and grandsons during prayers and rituals Or is it wrong to glorify married women whose husbands are alive See, if Indian culture is a board exam, suhaagans and sumangalis are like gold medallists. As a good Indian, try to respect our traditions. Don’t do offensive things like thinking or speaking out.

In fact, all our traditions are having full science aspect to them. Nanoscience, nuclear science, quantum physics are all there in some form or the other in our holy books. For example, why do Indian women wear toe-ring Let me explain. The silver metal on the toe acts like a miniature mobile tower. It will catch all positive frequencies hovering over the ground, and therefore wearer will always have full 4G-like signal strength for the soul. Moreover, there is one nerve going from one particular toe direct to heart and uterus. This is even better, like being plugged into earth’s energy via broadband cable. The download speeds are amazing.

In this way, we have invented great things in the past and just packaged it as tradition.But coming back to Karva Chauth, I am little concerned. All statistics are saying that, despite our putting in so much efforts, women are still outliving men. In India, women are living about three years longer on average than men. Our carefully engineered patriarchal traditions are not having the intended effect on men’s life expectancy! This is very disturbing. How can we accept this terrible state of affairs Already, these feminists are wanting extreme things like equality for all. What will happen if women both live longer than men, and also get the same rights that men have been having all these years

After some deep thinking, I am realising something important. All this fasting-vaasting, puja-shuja is having some beneficial effect, but with Karva Chauth, it is happening for the performer of the puja. So when women keep fast with thoughts in their minds for husbands, it is their own life that is increasing. I hope you are understanding what this discovery means. Karva Chauth is just not working for the Indian male. And so, we have no way out but to modify the tradition. Henceforth, men should keep the vow of Karva Chauth for long life of their wives.

Married men should get up early in the morning and eat a carefully prepared feast cooked by their father-in-law, and then spend the rest of the day in prayer for their wives’ long lives. They should not eat or drink anything all day, and instead wait patiently until the moon appears in the evening. They can occupy themselves by shaving, getting a haircut, etc. so that they look like beautiful objects. Or they can listen to legendary love stories of Karva Chauth. For example, once there was a brave Queen who died as a direct result of the pretty king breaking his Karva Chauth fast. He then had to repent for this and somehow get her life back. In the evening, men can dress up in modest but beautiful clothes. When the moon appears, they can shyly look at it through a sieve (how romantic!), and then turn to their wives for their blessings to break the fast. It will be just a beautiful day to celebrate wives, but in the guise of romance. Plus, it will indirectly benefit men, which of course is the important thing.

Suchi Govindarajan works as a technical writer, and pretends to be a photographer. She blogs at www.suchiswriting.com