Balancing act in life

I’m a 20-year-old college student. I was in love with my classmate. Last month I broke up with her. She cheated on me. And now it is very hard for me to face her all day in class. I still love her but don’t want to spoil my life again. She messaged me recently, saying she still loves me and wants me to forgive her and take her back. I don’t know whether she is playing with me. Also, it is impossible for me to talk to her. What should I do Manu M. Nair

A. I respect and admire what we call love and sometimes a 20-year-old can be in a relationship better than a 40-year-old. However, I have noticed that most of the youth in India are more in love with the idea of being in love and relationship. Yes, there is nothing wrong with being in love but if it’s affecting you negatively and instead of focusing in your studies the two of you are caught up with these issues, then it’s worrisome. Yes, you could repair your misunderstanding and work on your relationship but it’s important for you to know the kind of person you are. Would you be able to forgive her Picture this — Wouldn’t you rather be the person who grows up to have a good personality and good confidence because you spent your time wisely, studying hard, with a good job or do you want to be the person who spent his most important years confused about your relationship Yes friends, fun, love, dating is a part of life but balance it. Be wise. Be balanced. Be mature.

My husband recently confessed to having an extramarital affair with one of his colleagues. Though he says it’s over now and I also believe him, I find it hard to cope with his betrayal. I keep checking his emails, Facebook accounts and even his wallet, pockets and other things for signs of any other affair he might be involved in. It’s tearing me apart. I am obsessed with his life outside home. I have tried talking to him but it didn’t help. Should we consult a marriage counsellor Namita Kaur

A. Sometimes in relationships you come across a situation that makes you doubt and feel the way you feel. You have already displayed your strength by forgiving him. Sometimes we find ourselves in these unfortunate situations and feel confused. But at the same time, even learning to trust someone is about making it a habit. It’s important to be true to oneself and acknowledge how you feel, no matter what it is. The strength lies in the choices you make. Yes, a situation like this makes us cautious but also stronger. You could start your morning by telling yourself about the good things in your life and when you are ready, tell yourself about the good things in your marriage. Listen to music. Change your schedule. Try to change your thoughts. One positive change at a time. Don’t feel guilty about that. But do not make that a way of life in your home.

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