It's okay to be happy

On February 24, nation woke up to the news of veteran actress Sridevi’s sudden demise. At just 54 years of age, she reportedly passed away due to a heart attack in a hotel in Dubai.

As much the fans were grief-stricken, her daughters, Janhvi and Khushi Kapoor and husband Boney Kapoor were inconsolable. While her life was celebrated, every moment from her last rites to Janhvi taking up social media to express her grief was scrutinised.

Just a few days ago, Janhvi celebrated her 21st birthday in the company of her sisters. Sonam Kapoor even posted a picture to wish Janhvi on her birthday; their followers didn’t appreciate the fact that the family spent a light-hearted moment. Fans were surprised and accused the family of moving on too soon.

Counselling psychologist, Farah Ladiwala explains it is because society expects the grieving person to behave in a certain way.  “It is perceived that if you try to move on too soon, you probably didn’t love the deceased at all,” she explains. She also indicates that it is a healthy means of coping with one’s despair.

However, life coach Chetna Mehrotra points out that such behaviour definitely comes under scrutiny. However, she immediately draws attention to the fact that one must, in such times, be occupied. “It is important to keep the mind busy with work or be around people,” she says.

Farah explains that it is important to acknowledge the change in life. “As much as going through the grieving process is important, it is equally important to move on in life,” she asserts. Echoing the same view, Chetna says grief is necessary to have a healthy mind. “If the emotions are left unexpressed, it will soon resurface and affect current relationships,” she warns.

So how does one cope with loss? While Chetna explains that there is no mantra set in stone, some times, it is about taking one day at a time. “People prefer to go on vacation or occupy themselves with work so they won’t have to bother. Some people like to grieve for a good time before moving on while others don’t like grieving — they simply move on,” notes Chetna.

Farah advises that one shouldn’t shy away from seeking support from friends and family.

“One should confide in friends and family. If social support isn’t enough, counselling is another option. If someone is too shy to ask for help, maintaining a diary can help,” she lists.

But has social media changed the way of coping with death? Chetna believes one has to watch their back, especially if they are from the entertainment industry.

“It is perfectly normal to smile or look for a light moment in such a time. It is better to not bother about what is being said. And if it does bother, don’t post your happy photos,” instructs Chetna.