To fly or not to fly your parent's nest

Junior Bachchan was recently trolled for living with his parents and he snapped back at a troll, starting a discussion what is a better way to live and if one should stay in a joint family or not?

Abhishek Bachchan was recently trolled for living with his parents  and he snapped back at the troll. He said he is proud to live with them. The Twitter user took a dig at the actor, who continues to stay with his parents, saying,  “Don’t feel bad about your life. Just remember @juniorbachchan still lives with his parents. Keep hustling everyone.” Not to forget Abhishek and Aishwarya’s interview with Oprah Winfrey who wanted to know how living in a joint family works

While the Western approach of parting with your parents and having a place of your own does sound appealing, many still believe in living in the traditional way in India and it’s fine not to fly the nest as well.

Though it’s not mandatory to be living with one’s parents after a certain age, there certainly are many pluses to it. Swarnalatha Iyer, a consultant psychologist, strongly believes that all three generations — the grandparents, parents and the children — are greatly benefited by it. “Everyone acts as a buffer, thus a lot of stress gets reduced automatically. Joint families have a two-way support system — it’s a learning opportunity for the children who have both the parents and grandparents to guide them. For the parents who are new to child-rearing practices, it’s an additional boon as they have a constant flow of knowledge from the experienced ones and the grandparents find themselves helping out the younger ones with the various issues they come across in their lives.”

Rhea Singhal, Founder, and CEO of Ecoware, too feels the same. “Having experienced both a nuclear and joint family set up, I feel that joint families are a great way of transferring values and reinforcing them in the younger generation. But mutual respect and understanding are quintessential for the system to work.”

However, many have the perception that living alone is superior. “In the West, especially in the US, there is no concept of joint families or the family providing support to the children as they have an individualistic culture. On the contrary, ours is a collective culture — we often speak in terms of ‘our’ welfare than ‘mine’. Sadly, now that people are downloading the concept of individualistic lifestyle and independence, they are not even willing to look into the benefits of living together, turning a blind eye to how this is affecting the older generations who are gradually looking at retirement communities as an option,” shares Iyer, who feels that the strength of our culture lies in our families.

Adding to it Shahnaz Husain says, “Indian culture is known for its joint family tradition. In fact, the family plays an important role in our lives and in developing our values. There was a time when nuclear families were rare. But even now, there are many who appreciate the advantages of a joint family. In fact, in this age of working women, a joint family provides a great deal of support, especially for young children. In difficult times, be it illness or financial hardships, family is always there to fall back on. Like many Indian traditions, the joint family system has also stood the test of time.”

Although some people hold living in a joint family to opprobrium and view it as something that abates freedom, Adhishwar Mittal, Senior Business Analyst, EXL Services, believes that such concepts are figments of an unhealthy mind. “I don’t think living with your parents is wrong. Rather it provides you with the sense of happiness that comes from knowing you are taken care of. Since parents take care of us when you can’t take care of yourself, it is our moral duty to do the same for them when they need us. I live with my parents and try to help my parents as much as possible, they still end up making my life easier by giving me a place where I can be happy.”

Aman, who is working as a business developer, feels proud to be a member of a joyous joint family. “I am blessed with the opportunity of living with my parents and grandparents. I could have moved out because of the punctilious traveling to my office but I chose to be with my parents. So I have learnt a great deal from them and I’m still learning. I also feel the need to update them about this new generation, introducing them to the new technology and forthcoming trends.”

Living together helps preserve family traditions. Artist D.P. Sibal feels, “It’s an opportunity to learn about family traditions and values. We are disciplined in a joint family, we live and learn a lot from each other. In a way, we can preserve our family traditions in a joint family.”

From a psychological view, Iyer says there was always someone to fall back on in the times of crisis. “Sadly, today there is a need for counseling as we have given up on our families. But lately many are getting back together as well.”

Singing off Dr Rita Bakshi, from International Fertility Center, shares, “Joint family is a mutual consentment, wherein there is a greater depth of generations as compared to a nuclear family. It is customary in India for successive generations to live under one roof. I have seen cases where the family living with a joint family is always strong as they get a helping hand to hold them and is unified in an everlasting bond. The emotional support is admirable and children are blessed with undivided attention, support and guidance from elders. Whereas, the elders too seek immense love and spend their old age peacefully and in contentment with the family.”