Culture of shame

What happens when a girl walks into a pharmacy in the capital and asks for a condom A lot, apparently. An ordinary question transforms her into an object of scrutiny, shock and eventually ridicule because hold your breath she’s talking about safe sex. If the reactions one such girl has received in a social experiment video — posted by PrankBaaz on YouTube — are anything to go by, the capital seems to be a fair way away from being the modern metropolitan city it is widely perceived as.

“To be honest we were not expecting such harsh comments from people.We knew they would react differently, but comments like she must be a prostitute were too much and highly unexpected. I guess that’s the sad reality, people start judging girl’s character just because she asks for a condom. One observation was very clear that buying a condom for a girl is a very uncomfortable experience,” Vikas Awana and Kundan Shashiraj, who make up team PrankBaaz, share.

Sociologist and LGBTQ activist Sayali Das points out that the video presents visual proof of how, despite the new wave of feminism taking over intellectual circles the world over, the scenario at the ground level remains more or less the same. “I know I’m stating the obvious, but a boy shopping for condoms would have received different reactions. That’s the saddest part — this is something everyone will acknowledge but few will actually do anything about. Even today, in a metropolitan city like Delhi, a girl buying condoms translates into a girl with loose moral values,” she says.

She goes on, “It’s like all of a sudden, Indian men haven’t heard of pre-marital sex before, or have transported themselves to the 18th century. Just themselves, mind you, not their own ‘moral’ values because who knows what’s going on with their sex life The thing is, the issue here is a double-edged one – there is, of course, the women-are-virginal-purity-incarnate outlook that conditions most minds on the ground level even today, but there is also hypocrisy that gets granted an undue legitimacy by the internalised rules of patriarchy. I am a man, therefore, I am allowed to do certain things and be a certain way without needing to be apologetic about it. And this, in the minds of at least some people who are more aware and more in tune with the times, will be accompanied by certain reservations because deep down inside they do know that they’re exercising double standards.

But because it’s the way they’ve been brought up to see the world, it’s not all that hard for them to squash out the discomfort and find solace in being a part of the system as they’ve seen it for years,” she affirms. On the other hand, stand-up comedian Abijit Ganguly points out that condoms are still a subject to be spoken of in hushed tones even for men. “Buying condoms is not an easy task in India, even for a guy. There are always way too many people at the chemist’s shop giving you judgmental looks for preparing to have sex, or the shopkeeper himself making a sarcastic comment. So, the only way forward is to have an I-don’t-give-a-damn attitude, because in India that’s what works the best. People love to critique you in every sphere of life, whether it’s your career choices or buying a condom, there is no difference.”

Sex and sexual health are topics that Indians still hesitate to bring up in front of strangers, for fear of being judged and ridiculed. Somanshi Mittal, Social Media Analyst says, “On one hand, India is talking about being progressive while on the other hand, sex is still a taboo for both the genders in our country. The rise in the number of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) is alarming but Indians do not feel like addressing such an issue since it calls for open-mindedness. I think videos like this help in generating the right kind of awareness among the younger generation and make them more responsible. Also, I do not understand why a woman purchasing a condom is looked down upon when she is the one who buys the day-to-day items for the household too. Such reactions are a setback to all the initiatives taken so far to educate people about AIDS.”

Vikas and Kundan point out the discrepancy between the reactions in the video and the reactions the video is receiving now, with a fair bit of bemusement. “After watching the video our viewers are reacting in a positive way, supporting this girl and even ppreciating our efforts. Isn’t it strange that while making the video we got such a negative response but after uploading it we are getting positive feedback To be honest, there could be two explanations for this — one, that on public domains like Facebook and YouTube, people pretend to be liberal and broadminded but are actually not. Or two, that when they saw our video, they genuinely thought that there is nothing wrong with buying a condom. Whatever the case may be, we should be more open to such things. We strongly believe that such topics should be discussed openly and logically rather than being considered a taboo,” they aver.

Sayali concludes by affirming that the need of the hour is to reach out to the less educated and less aware masses. She says, “Change is happening, there’s no doubt about it, but there’s also no doubt about the fact that more change needs to happen in more places than are normally acknowledged by even the change-makers themselves. YouTube videos are consumed primarily by the educated young generation, most of whom are already aware of the fact that a girl buying condoms is normal and a sign of awareness about safe sex, which can never be a bad thing.

The one young man in the video, the sardar who spoke in favour of the girl was a very heartening visual for me and probably belong to that set of people. The people who need to be reached are the people who don’t see this point of view — the older generation, the less educated and less aware youngsters you’re likely to meet out on the street as opposed to an online discussion forum, like the ones in the video. How to do that is what we need to figure out now.”