It’s complicated: Love in the age of turbulence

Two very good friends finally decided to make it official. There was much fanfare, wine, guests and lights. It all lasted four months and on a Sunday morning, both decided to go their separate ways.

The paperwork was done, all signs of a union erased but phone calls between the two continue — he wants to know how much masala goes into the sambhar and she wants to know how to set up an email account on a smartphone. Often, the calls go beyond the mundane and there’s a bit of reminiscing. Because they’re still friends in their own modern-day versions of the ‘happily ever after’.

Just the other day, I casually mentioned to my best friend of seven years that I’m still in touch with my most recent ex. Her reaction was of utter disapproval. “You’re playing with fire,” she said. But when did it become such a taboo to still be friends with an ex Are there laws found within some big, fat book Poor Anushka and Virat couldn’t even meet for dinner and finish off dessert in peace without the world going wild with speculation. ‘Are they back ’, ‘Are they working on it ’, ‘Do they have time for each other ’ Absolutely silly.

Forget celebrities, us muggles don’t have it easy either, especially when we have now been given a voice through social media, which puts our lives under a constant spotlight. You are judged on the kind of posts you like, the kind of content you share, the kind of reactions you have to social media fads.. everything. Along with this, your relationships with parents, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends are just not real enough until a carefully curated candid photograph is put up with an undying declaration of love or some other strong emotion.

What all this has managed to do is that everyone now has a right to form a judgement about you as well as your relationships. Much like celebrities, we are all out there showcasing our lives to everyone and in turn, much like celebrities, we need to accept judgements received.

This is, in turn, shaping the way we might behave in the future. So if earlier I hadn’t even given a thought to casually talking to an ex, I now probably have this grain of doubt — what if what my friend is saying about fire is actually true

Because in this day and age of constantly-changing relationship dynamics and the blurring definitions of right and wrong, everyone is second-guessing themselves and a lot of decisions are being made on the basis of what people might think of you, rather than what seems right to you. But we are the generation that is juggling a lot of new things — careers, schedules, aspirations.

No doubt, we will be the harbingers of change in modern day relationships and hopefully, will come out unscathed in the end. It hurts, but you’ll still answer that phone call — because the ex needs to know if his dinner will be edible.

The author can be reached at saumyadikshit@gmail.com