Mom’s not the word

“For the record... I am not pregnant. What I am, is fed up ” reads Hollywood star Jennifer Aniston’s letter addressed to the media after yet another report about the actress being pregnant was doing the rounds. Perhaps what hit closer home was the latter part of her letter. “This past month... has illuminated for me how much we define a woman’s value based on her marital and maternal status... We are complete with or without a mate, with or without a child. That decision is ours and ours alone. Let’s make that decision for ourselves and for the young women in this world who look to us as examples,” she wrote.

So it’s not just your uncle or aunt, or that nosy neighbour who oohs and aahs about you not getting married or having kids — most women at some point of their life have had to deal with these questions.

But why should they have to “I am a living example of someone who is not married, has no kids and is very happy with her career,” says film producer Elahe Hiptoola. “For a long time now, people have put women into this bracket about the kind of roles that they need to essay and that’s just what is happening even now. It will take years to break that notion,” she adds.

The idea that motherhood is what completes or defines a woman has been very rampant. Take the example of various films in the country — the message that being a mother is one of the only things that can generate happiness is sometimes very blatantly put out. “Motherhood itself is great and no one is doubting that. But reducing a woman to being mother or wife and not letting her explore other options is what is not right. If someone wants to get married and have babies then so be it, but the problem is judging women who don’t want to fit into these roles... when men can be complete without marriage or having babies, then why can’t women ” asks feminist activist Tejaswini Madabhushi.

The idea, women believe, is not to stay away from motherhood or marriage. The idea is to let people be and do so whenever they feel the time is right. “We live in a warped society wired with certain ideas plugged into their own switch boards... women are complete when they are at peace with themselves. Let a woman live her life... marriage and children are very important but let the women decide on that important question — when. I admire women like Sushmita Sen, I admire myself too... I got married at 30 had babies and now at 45, I completely understand and am with Jennifer Aniston,” says actress Khushboo Sundar.

The idea of finding happiness in someone else — husband or child — is what makes much more annoying. “These ideas of getting married or having babies at the ‘right’ time are so outdated. Do I miss having a partner Yes, but it’s more like I miss watching a good movie, it isn’t something that I keep harping about. I’m very happy and complete right now. When I find the time and the space to give my entire attention to a child, that’s when I will have one... and honestly, who needs a man to have a child ” asks Elahe.

It all boils down to one thing — let women do whatever they want to. If motherhood and marriage is what they want, whenever they want it, if they ever want it, then so be it. Like Jennifer Aniston wrote in her letter, “We don’t need to be married or mothers to be complete. We get to determine our own “happily ever after” for ourselves.”

Inputs by Subhash K. Jha