Perfectly platonic

Swipe right. Swipe left. Pause. Swipe right again. If you know someone for whom this is a regular routine at any given time of day, you should think about introducing him/her to a new slew of apps that swipe away the romance and look towards a simpler, less complicated side of human connection. With dating apps having popped up a dime a dozen over the past few months, a new deluge is now underway: Spoonr and Yep! are two among several ‘platonic’ counterparts to Tinder and its brethren. Are we sure this is less complicated, you ask The answer is thoroughly debatable. The capital’s stand-up comedians and youngsters comment.

“Whether you’re looking for friends, flings or grocery, there’s literally an app for everything. Do I need an app for a virtual back scratch, however Strictly platonic I’m really not so sure,” says Delhi university student Charu Seth referring to Scratchilla, an app that was to be launched in December 2015 but never made it beyond the crowdfunding campaign. “People hadn’t warmed up to the concept back then but now, the tide seems to be shifting a little. Cuddlr, which was launched before its scratchy cousin, is a Tinder for hugs. Literally. It is meant for people who want platonic cuddles. If you think that sounds creepy, you should know that the app has been renamed. It is now called Spoonr. Voila. The idea of people seeking non-sexual intimacy is great. But on a smartphone app, with total strangers whose username is the only thing you know about them I don’t think so,” she asserts.

Stand-up comedian Sorabh Pant has his own two cents to offer on the subject. “I’m not on Tinder. Or any of these apps. Mainly because I’m married and don’t want my wife to know. But, genuinely, because I’m old school. And I’m not sure you need apps for platonic relationships. There is an offline app for that — personality. Mine ensured these relationships with no effort,” he says.

He then adds for good measure, “Also, the government is cracking down on shaadi websites that are leading to ‘dangers’ like dating and sex. So, enjoy the non-platonic apps for as long as you can. Because in a while, every app in India will be either platonic or about hooking up for sanskaari reasons.”

Stand-up comedian Saikat Bose, on his part, asserts that the very idea of a ‘platonic’ app is an impossibility. He affirms, “I refuse to believe in the existence of such a concept. Or even the possibility of its existence. Saying that a truly platonic app can exist and be popular is like saying you will never receive another ‘will you do fraandship with me’ message from a random creep on Facebook again. Like your ‘other’ messages tab on the platform will now be filled with sophisticated poetry instead of ‘saat samundar paar main tere peeche peeche aa gaya’. Like that’s ever going to happen. Ever. In India, in fact in Delhi specifically, most guys and girls on social networks have a fairly skewed grasp of what platonic is anyway. Announcing to them that stalking profiles to check out more pictures is not really within the realm of platonic, for instance, might even invite a protest march of some kind. And so any app you give them, platonic or otherwise, will always be to them a new portal to new eye-candy and beyond. Good luck with keeping that platonic.”

Stand-up comedian Neeti Palta, however, has the final word on the matter. She states, simply, “These apps are responsible. They’re aiming at preparing Indian boys for their ultimate future — the friendzone.”