Seeking sibling support

The latest drama in the Kardashian family has been all about Rob Kardashian’s new romance with Blac Chyna. And why is it making news Because Chyna is the ex-girlfriend of Rob’s half-sister Kylie Jenner’s current beau Tyga. In fact, Kylie and Chyna had quite a few heated arguments on social media when the former first got together with Tyga.

While the shenanigans of the Kardashians may be tough to keep up with, this particular issue isn’t quite as outlandish as it seems. Many of us do struggle with approval from our siblings for our romantic partners, and often, it matters a lot more than even parental approval.

So just why do we feel the need to have our “sibling on our side” in matters of the heart “Your siblings are often the people who are closest to you,” points out life coach and therapist Chetna Mehrotra. “So it does affect you when they don’t approve of your relationship.”

Your sibling of course, could have plenty of reasons for not setting the seal of approval on your current beau. “They could be genuinely suspicious of your date’s intentions, or they could be extremely protective of you or it could be plain envy where they feel that some outsider is invading the private space which you once shared or share,” points out Chetna.

So as long as you’re convinced that the person you’re with now is Mr or Miss Right, how do you get your sibling(s) on board Eminent relationship expert Seema Hingorany says that understanding your sibling’s perspective is key. “Try to guage what it is that is putting him/her off (your beau). Does he/she think that the relationship will do you no good Or is it a case where the sibling doesn’t want to share you with anyone else ” Seema explains, adding that mediating between your beau and your sibling may be required. “A lot of times, siblings are protective, especially, if you have grown up together. Have a conversation with him/her and get your partner to meet your sibling. This should put an end to a few problems. It is okay if you do not pay heed to your sibling’s advice. But do not cut off your sibling out of your life because of an issue like this. It could adversely affect your relationship with your sibling.”

Sometimes, your relationship with your sibling(s) itself may not be particularly straightforward, in which case, the issue gets complicated further. The connection with the sibling may then determine how much weight you choose to give his/her/their opinion. As life coach Veechi Shahi highlights, “Many-a-times, there is a lot of sibling rivalry, and too many unresolved issues in the family. In that case, you may not be as bothered by whether or not he/she approves. But when one has a deep bond with the sibling, it’s best to share as much as you can about your date/partner with them. Their opinions, in this case, might actually help you see things from a different perspective, especially since they know you so well. Still, it’s safest to share with your sibling when you have no fear of being judged. Your sibling can be your confidant(e), your support system and help you gain greater clarity.”

At the ‘end of the day’, however, if you’re completely convinced about your partner, and know that the relationship is the right one for you, don’t let lack of sibling approval/support hold you back. “Simply ignoring a sibling’s point of view is detrimental to your relationship with him/her irrespective of whether you agree with your sibling’s view or not Having said that, there is no doubt that each of us knows what is best for us and is an expert on our own lives. So simply agreeing with our sibling’s view and killing our own feelings is not a solution either,” cautions life coach Milind Jadhav. “What is critical here is heart to heart communication between your sibling and you. You need to keep aside all your preconceived notions and judgments about your sibling and listen from a space of love.”