How to Avoid a Lockdown Divorce: Tips for Newly Remote Workers

During a lockdown, many couples find themselves in extreme situations: spending days in the same space, doing what they used to do separately, playing their own roles.

After all, even a joint vacation - a pleasant and desirable event - often becomes a catalyst for family conflicts. In particular, according to the leading divorce paperwork drafting service CompleteCase, every year, the courts see a spike in divorce filings after the winter holidays and summer vacations.

And now, more and more employers are transferring workers to a remote mode of work on an ongoing basis, which forces many couples to spend all day together, not on holidays, but much more stressful weekdays full of work problems.

How can spouses share their "home office" and remain a loving couple in such conditions?

Why is it so hard?

Most often, spouses spend time together on weekends and vacations. We are used to perceiving these days as our time for rest, time for family, time for ourselves, and separating it from work, both consciously and unconsciously.

When both spouses work remotely, they need to adapt to new realities as quickly as possible and learn how to separate their work and home life without actually leaving home.

These five factors usually give plus ten to stress in such a situation:

1.An overall feeling of tension
Alarming news, fears, risks, every sneeze as an excuse to pour half a bottle of sanitizer on yourself. If this is the case for you, it will be more difficult for you, but even if not, some part of the general anxiety is still transmitted to you, so you need to deal with it.

2.Lack of skills to work in the "home office" mode
It may be challenging: all the old rituals, habits, rules, and even habitual sounds and smells associated with work remain at the office, and the new ones tell us only: "You are at home, take a rest, relax." You will have to build a new emotional infrastructure to teach yourself how to remain productive wearing your favorite soft slippers.

3.Lack of borders

Where does mom end, and where does the project manager start? How to learn to switch your tone of voice from business to home with lightning speed?

4.Unforeseen circumstances
They also occur at work, but often, we are better prepared. And at home, any emergency may seem like a disaster. Suddenly, your child cannot do their homework, the dog food runs out, or you have to hurry to the supermarket, and your boss calls, who is also trying to work from home.

5.Too close contact with a loved one
Indeed, this is the most important factor. We are very excited to spend two or three days a week together and mornings and evenings, but it is often difficult for us to admit that sometimes we need distance.

The main thing is not to give in to anxiety, not to be afraid or ashamed of these thoughts, and not to perceive them as proof that your love isn't strong enough, and vice versa - not to be offended by your partner if he or she wants to spend an hour alone after work. Humans are very adaptive creatures, and you will undoubtedly get used to the new circumstances if you give each other space to breathe. Do not rush to hash things out and panic.

Creating boundaries: separate work from everyday life

Designate a room as your home office, where you will work. It is highly undesirable to appear in other rooms with a laptop or work phone. Hang an "I'm at work" sign on the door. If you don't have such a place, you can use a system of colored stickers and apply them to your laptop or work desk. For example, a red sticker means "don't come near, don't bother me, don't even try to flirt or invite me to the kitchen for another donut," and green "I can take a break, so let's talk or watch the series."

However, keep in mind that these external rules are not as important as finding the line between, for example, a parent and an employee within yourself.

Before you leave the kitchen and engage in the Zoom business meeting, look at yourself in the mirror. How does your facial expression change when you enter a new role? Do you straighten your back, let your hair down, smile, frown? First, bring yourself to a new "state," and only then start a new task.

By the way, it is at the moments when switching roles that we usually experience the most brilliant insights.

Seize the moment

Now you are busy solving many new creative problems and getting used to new conditions. But why not look at the situation from a different angle? You and your loved one found yourself on the same "submarine": you need to use this time.

For example, what's so terrible about getting somewhat tired of each other? Are you worried that it will threaten your feelings? This is entirely optional: after taking a little break from each other, immersed in your business or going for a walk alone, you will be glad to see each other again.

Practice 1. Roles revealing

Sometimes it may feel like your partner only likes the image of you with which they are most familiar.

"But at work, I can shout, and I am not very neat. What if my partner will be disappointed?" Let isolation be an excuse for finding out each other's new, unfamiliar features and characteristics. If the anxiety goes off scale, you can arrange an "evening of revelations": choose a time and tell each other about your concerns in advance. Then revealing yourself will be much easier.

Practice 2. Evening sprint

If something annoys you in your partner during the day, try to notice one pleasant moment for each annoying moment. Find what delights you in your partner, what you like, and then make an evening ten-minute sprint. For example, tell him or her that you are annoyed that they left seven coffee mugs in the sink again, but you are pleased that they made a coffee for you too. Or, for example, that they should watch TV shows using headphones so that it does not distract you from work, but today's small-talk was pleasant and cheered you up.

Practice 3. A hard day’s night

If you both had a hard day's work, plan a pleasant evening for yourselves: a glass of wine with dinner, board games, an at-home dance party, bath, or massage - think of everything that you can realize.

During the day, remind yourself that come evening, when messengers are silent and all deadlines have been met, you will devote time only to each other.

 

Disclaimer: No Asian Age journalist was involved in creating this content. The group also takes no responsibility for this content.