Caught in the marital web

Even as the government cracks down on the verification process in matrimonial sites, experts suggest the way forward

Marriages may be made in heaven, but for a large number of Indians, they are first locked down on matrimonial websites. With millions of Indian men and women looking to these new-age digital brokers to find a life partner, they’ve largely come to trust online profiles and take them at face value. While there have been success stories aplenty, according to divorce lawyers, relationship experts and social workers, these matrimonial sites have also become a breeding ground for fraudsters. In the absence of a system of proper verification that guarantees the authenticity of information, there’s very little scope to take culprits to task.

The scenario might take a turn for the better with the IT and Telecom Ministry’s recent measure to crackdown on unverified information on matrimonial websites. The move, which stipulates that information such as proof of identity must be verified on matrimonial websites, has come as a relief to many. And while that is a step in the right direction, there are miles to go in curbing the menace altogether. Divorce lawyer Shraddha Dalvi argues that the primary reason why much of the information on such websites is not trustworthy is because the websites completely leave it to the users’ discretion. “I’ve come across many such cases which have led to divorce or fraud. In most instances, males especially exaggerate their status — education or finances — on such websites. And most of the information is very difficult to verify. For example, they might say that they have property in their native place or a certain degree from a foreign university. And with such information that is hard to verify, fraudsters often target people from well-off families and later extract money from them post marriage. The root of the problem lies in the lack of transparency. Therefore, any move from the government to make verification compulsory is welcome.”

Another detail that is very hard to verify is information on previous marriage/ marriages, points out gender equality activist Hussein Ali. “It’s more common than you’d imagine. The sites do not verify whether or not a person has been married before and if so whether a divorce was settled or not. There are frequent cases of people just mutually agreeing to separate without legal settlement who start looking for their next partner,” he says.

Ananya Gupta (name changed), who has been on the receiving end of one such fraud, recalls her experience. “It was my brother who had found me a match on one of the popular platforms. We seemed to connect well and I wasn’t aware about such frauds. My first mistake was giving the person my personal number. We had been speaking for sometime and my parents were also involved. On the day our families were supposed to meet, he came to my home alone without bringing his family along, citing his father’s illness. He kept delaying the marriage and after a year I confronted a cousin of his I was in touch with, and I got to know that he was already married with two kids and there was no mention of a divorce!”

There are some who opt for external verification methods, and a popular recourse is to go the private detective way. Giving us an idea of how prevalent marriage related fraud is on such online platforms, KK, a private detective from Cosmopolitan Detective Services, tells us, “We often get cases where men and women come to us with a ‘pre-matrimonial’ case. Out of 100 online matrimony cases we get, 80 turn out to be frauds. They either fake their financial status or place of residence in order to be able to take advantage of the victim after marriage, or they lie about previous relationships and divorces, saying that the fault was with the other party while it was actually them that cheated or abused the other party.

“There are also cases where a person says that he is seeing only one person he met on a matrimonial site while actually he may be seeing multiple people,” KK adds.

Relationship expert Seema Hingorani underlines another reason for the prevalence of such frauds. She says that people on the lookout for a partner online are already emotionally vulnerable. “People who log onto a matrimonial website to look for a partner, are more often than not, emotionally quite vulnerable. So when somebody comes along and makes tall promises, the chances are much higher of them being duped.” She recalls a case. “I knew a 45-year-old woman, who was charmed on one such online platform by an individual living in the UK. They got talking, she Googled him and he seemed genuine — so much so that he even introduced his mother to her through Skype chat. One day, he told her that he wanted to send her some gifts but she’d have to pay for the shipping and courier. She agreed and once she made the payment, the guy disappeared and thee was no trace of him online! The woman later suffered from severe mental anxiety because of what happened.”

A move that would go a long way in making sure there’s accountability on matrimonial websites, adds Shraddha, is to make sure the information provided is not left to the users’ discretion. “The matrimonial websites should have particular and extensive formats on what information needs to provided and references that are necessary. Fraudsters, since they have complete control of their profiles, can immediately delete them post marriage, so that no proof of their false claims exist. This problem can be addressed by making sure that the websites have an easily accessible copy as proof of information provided.”