Make your own choices

Instead of being dictated by the society and traditional norms, try to search for your own path as it will set your heart free and help you become what you truly are.

In our last two columns, we explored how to take back our power, which begins with cultivating a robust sense of self-esteem.

What else does it depend on? Taking back our power in actuality means that we become the captains of our own ship. That we determine our life choices. This is not easy. Here, in India, we are used to obeying our parents or kowtowing to the dictates of society. It is expected of us. So we follow the career tracks our parents lay for us, and marry the spouse they determine for us. In order to gain social prestige and status, we choose those professions that society approves of, even if what we want is to do social work or become an artist.  Once married, the reins of control are often passed on to the spouse, in laws and so on. At work, our bosses can often make us flout our value system without us being able to do anything about it. And bit by bit, we hand over our lives to others to run.

So how do we take back our control? This is probably one of the most challenging aspects of becoming a fully mature human being. It entails the willingness to be uncomfortable, to make those close to us uncomfortable, and to suffer some pain in the short run. But as someone very wisely said, in order to be who we are meant to be, we will have to give up who we presently are. So if your parents have influenced you to become an engineer, but your heart is really in writing, perhaps it is time you reviewed your options. If your parents want you to marry someone of their choice, but you love another, maybe you need to dig in your heels and stand by your love. If you can only get by in your place of work by bootlicking your boss, maybe it is time to look for another job. If you do not want to practice religious rituals although belonging to a ritualistic family, maybe you can assert your right to be that way. You need to be able to stand by your value system, act according to your conscience, and listen to the dic
tates of your inner voice. Knowing that you only will face the consequences, learn to make conscious choices, and be prepared to suffer the consequences.

Taking back your power will eventually percolate to the finer details. Not allowing anyone to put you down, control or dominate you. Not allowing anyone to manipulate you and make you do what they want you to do. Establishing your boundaries and not permitting trespassing. Insisting on being treated with respect. Taking your power back will enable you to become your own person, and not a tool in the hands of family or society.

When you take back your power, you become fully responsible for your own happiness and welfare. You will no longer eat food that you cannot digest in order to please your hostess, or stay awake into the wee hours to humour your family. At the same time, since you are now your own person, you freely offer love and service to the world. Not because you have to but because you want to.