Mumbai grows old alone

It was only when US techie Ruturaj Sahani returned home that he realised his mother, 63-year-old Asha Sahani, had been dead for over a few weeks. The widow lived alone in a plush Mumbai society in Andheri West, and it would seem like her absence was not noticed till it was quite late. 

This is a story all too common in a fast-paced city like Mumbai, sighs psychologist Seema Hingorrany. Senior citizens often bear the brunt of the fast-paced life Mumbai leads, where keeping social commitments is often a task that requires carving out time. 

“Incidents like these only throw light on what’s really happening in around us,” asserts Seema. “This city is so busy, that we’ve stopped caring. Even neighbours — till you don’t approach them — are not bothered, because everyone has their issues. And no one’s to be blamed in this.”

The empty nest syndrome, where children often leave the city or go abroad to pursue a career can add to the feeling of loneliness that plagues the seniors in society. “They’re often dependent on their partners, and in cases where there’s no partner, you’re isolated if you don’t have a social circle,” explains Dr Sapna Bangar, a psychiatrist with Mpower.

“Especially when it comes to women, their house is their whole life. Their universe revolves around their husband and children. In cases when all of that is gone, they start thinking there’s no meaning in life,” she adds. 

Both Sapna and Seema believe that cultivating hobbies, or trying to remain in touch with people of a similar age group can be beneficial for senior citizens in the city. “I think finding groups is very important — have one in the society or clubs too. And it’s never too late to learn something new. You learn in a group where like-minded people are present. So you look after them and they look after you. Even if your children are not there, there’s someone you can depend on, who is close by,” says Sapna.

Seema believes that the stigma around old age homes must die to avoid incidences like these. “The taboo is still too high. I don’t blame the children completely though,” she says. “Even the parents resist it. ‘I don’t want to paint my kids in a bad light,’ they say. And children too go down the ‘What will society say?’ route. I tell them that it’s better than your parent dying and you not even being aware of it! At least there will be nurses and some immediate care that can be taken.”

One of the major reasons why senior citizens may feel left out is the rapid advancement in technology, and their inability to keep up, observes Sapna. “A lot of people in the 60-plus age group can’t use the Internet. They end up having to go out and do things. And others look at them and say ‘Oh, you can’t even switch a button or press a few keys. Why don’t you just pay by card?’ Simple things like these are very difficult to adapt to at that age,” she shrugs. 

However, Seema says that they must let go of their rigidity around the idea of adapting to technology, for their own good. “Not having access to video 

calling apps and not wanting to fidget is a problem. We always tell those who come to us for counselling that they will have a better chance of connecting with their kids and relatives abroad that way. We tell them to get on Facebook, travel too. Breaking down this resistance is very important,” she concludes.