Lessons of pain

The moment we think of loss, the thought of finding anything significant or valuable from it seems contradictory.

However, a breakup, divorce or even death is more than just a feeling of hurt. Your thoughts when you are going through the painful experience can change everything which comes after that loss.

It really does not matter whether the relationship lasted a few days or years, if you got dumped or you broke up, the whole story is about losing someone you were attached to at some level. It definitely hurts.

Grief is a matter of heart and soul. One needs to spend time with it but suffering is the optional part. We need to understand and remember that our life is like a movie and we came to play our role in it. So people will love and leave, however love never dies and the spirit knows no loss.

Heartbreak does not just hurt, but also many questions come along with the pain. One thinks ‘how can I move on?’ or ‘will it ever get better?’

There is no surprise that when love is lost, emotional distress and risk of depression can be significant.

Our Thought and Loss
There is always a connection between physical ailments and their corresponding thought patterns and emotional issues. To make our thoughts more positive and fruitful, practicing affirmation can really help. So think about your thoughts and what we say to ourselves during times of grief. Our own thoughts can add to the suffering. The fact is that all of us are always moving towards discovering the wounds that need healing.

Honoring the love
Love has the power to heal and it’s important to understand that we  honour love, not pain and suffering. Honoring love of the person who died or left will bring hope to sorrow. Healing your heart is about finding acceptance and living in reality.

Think differently
Thinking process during the period of grief is very important. If one felt loss in a relationship, his or her grief will also reflect loss. If one felt anger in a relationship, he or she will also feel anger along with grief.

Many of us are not even aware about these thoughts and these thoughts are mostly repetitive. Our thinking is focused on the other person rather than ourselves. We won’t find happiness till this cycle breaks.

Knowing self love
Once you begin to see the relationship differently, you will recognise that they have their own flaws. The period of grief after a breakup gives you the opportunity to understand your own self and it’s much needed to love and accept the true self.

Healing from past
Human mind is so powerful and is often at war with itself. The mind usually uses people and situations around it and plays up the negative aspects. While grieving, one can look back in the past and review these patterns of thinking. However, this process can be painful as one relives old moments.

While healing from the past, one needs to have the courage to look at it without blame, criticism and fault finding. It can help you reframe your behaviour. Grief can provide one an opportunity to not just look into how a relationship ended, but to also understand what built it in the first place.

Our thoughts are precious and a breakup is a great opportunity to reflect on these.

The writer is an alternative medicine practitioner