Be your own rescuer

Stop waiting endlessly for others to bring positive change in your life. Instead, pick up the pieces and move on as change must come from within.

One of the abiding fantasies that all of us fondly cherish is that someone, somewhere, will rescue us from our problems and make our lives all right. I drifted through much of my 20s making little or no money. How tempting it was to dream of some convenient uncle somewhere that died and left me a tidy fortune. The English books I grew up reading were full of such instances. Alas, no such uncle manifested and I had to buckle down to making my own way in the world.

After I moved into spirituality and confronted the truckload of conditioning I had amassed in the process of living, it was tempting, so tempting, to envisage some guru giving me one deep look, touching my forehead or waving a hand, and mysteriously nullifying my conditioning while catapulting me to enlightenment.

Alackaday, I had to make my own progress on the path, inch by painful inch, with nary a soul outside of me easing my way. Of course, life supports us. Insights come through various sources including gurus, books, conversations with friends and so on. My job with Life Positive cradled me in a crucible of spirituality. The articles I wrote furthered my growth. I attended innumerable workshops which helped me. And a network of likeminded friends strengthened me enormously. Still, there was no question that I, and only I, was responsible for my growth and eventual liberation. The Buddha said it 2000 years ago: “Be a lamp unto yourself.” In short, be your own change agent, your own happiness provider, your own health giver, your own liberator.

This may be easier said than done, because many of us are entangled in such a daunting web of circumstances that it seems unimaginable that we will be able to hack our way through it ourselves. But who else is there?

No matter how embroiled we are in financial difficulties, oppressive relationships or our own shortcomings, change begins from within. Perhaps the first step is to recognise this and stop waiting endlessly for the other to change, or circumstances to change, or for the knight on a white charger to show up.

The second step is to come to terms with the situation. This is clearly one of the most difficult things to do. How to come to terms with an abusive relationship or loss of job? Still, it has to be done, because the more energy we waste in resisting the situation, the less we have to do something about it. The more we focus on the problem, the less we focus on its solution. The more we worry, fret, accuse, blame, the less we will do anything about it.

The third step, of course, is to do something about it. Once we bring down the wall of resistance, we will have access to the vista of possibilities. Many ideas will suggest themselves, many tiny steps will appear possible, all of which will eventually dissipate the helplessness and anxiety that enshrouds us.

The beauty is that the moment we embark upon steps two or three, life itself will surge to support us. Suddenly, we will find supportive friends and encouraging opportunities. The more we help ourselves, the more life helps us.

What is more, taking these steps will empower and strengthen us. For the first time, we will become aware of how powerful we truly are. From being steeped in victimhood, we will take the first few steps into victorhood!

The writer is the former editor-in-chief of Life Positive magazine and founder, facilitator of the Zen of Good Writing Course. Contact her at sumavarughese@gmail.com