Parental Paranoia

In this digital age, parenting is not an easy task! Parents are becoming increasingly paranoid about the safety of their kids, especially online. How do they keep a tab on children who are exposed to gadgets from a young age?

Sabina Xavier, COO, Y-Axis Overseas Careers, says, “My daughters aged 9 and 11 are allowed unlimited access to their devices. They understand these are necessary for communication. However, on the flip side, I don’t believe in their privacy at all. While I may not control usage, I am paranoid about monitoring. We get a copy of all emails that are sent and received by our children. When they are asleep, I check their phones, laptops, messages, chats, phone calls and internet history. I follow my older daughter on Instagram so I know who her friends are and what’s being posted. Before they were given their devices, they were educated about what is normal and usual and what to watch out for.”

With cyber crimes on the rise, parenting paranoia is a reality. “We have to accept this reality with open eyes rather than worrying about it. Social media, cyber space and disturbing news are the future. We don’t need to be afraid, rather, we need to be aware and educate our children about the same,” says Skand Bali, Principal, HPS.

He adds, “The only way forward is to be best friends with our children so that we can face these difficult challenges. Communication is key. Parents and schools have to be on the same page when it comes to the welfare of future generations.”

But who really is responsible for this fear factor? Says V. Srinivasan, Member, School Executive Board, Sreenidhi International School, “If we start blaming the outer parameters such as technology, schools and the government, as parents, we will be adding to our misery. The primary responsibility of raising balanced kids lies with the parents. The ambience and counselling provided by parents are the essential ingredients in bringing up children. There’s no doubt that the government and schools are adding to this paranoia, but the psychological disturbances in kids that lead to tragedies are often rooted at home. Educating parents in this area may be the right solution. Kids require the right kind of ambience, compassion and freedom to grow with safety and security.”

Parents are often worried about what their kids are up to online. “The complex social network where children are exposed to information beyond their years is frightening for parents,” says Mir Khutubuddin Khan, Secretary, Nasr Education Society. Naturally, most parents feel out of control. But even as they grow increasingly concerned with what their kids are doing online, more teens are ensuring that (most of) their social media accounts stay hidden from prying parental eyes.

Baijesh Ramesh, child counsellor and psychologist, believes that establishing a good channel of communication between parents and children is the need of the hour. “We need to emphasise on open and responsible parenting. It is important for parents to be alert and ensure the safety of the child. They need to monitor where the child is going, what (game) he/she is playing, which website he/she is accessing, etc. They also need to be tuned into the behaviour, mood and energy levels of children and look out for anything unusual,” he says.

He adds, “Because of heightened panic, many parents are becoming anxious and hyper-vigilant, leading to a contagious anxious parenting. When parents act from this paranoia, they project their anxious thoughts onto their children. The children in turn internalise the message that they are unsafe and the world is a scary place. This anxiety has a trickle-down effect within the family. Parents need to keep their anxiety in check if they want to raise calm, confident and happy children.”

Is cyber safety something that is easily overlooked? Karuna Gopal, president, Foundation for Futuristic Cities and a mother says, “Absolutely not! The cyber world is a double-edged sword. It presents unique opportunities if one knows how to use it, otherwise, one can be a victim and suffer extraordinary pain. In India, cyber crime is tracked very well and culprits are being punished. I am proud to see the police using advanced analytics and tracking criminals in a matter of hours. The SHE teams are also doing great work.”