Aim for your target

There have been so many reactions to my last piece about how bold and beautiful girls today have no hesitation in going up to a man and making the first move towards a friendship or more.

One lady writes in to me, “Ma’am, sure times have moved on to where that prerogative is no longer a man’s monopoly, but I know I would not be able to be so bold, even though I quite believe it’s okay to let a man know you like him?”

Being the essential female can never go out of style in a man’s book. That stays true. And yet there are so many ways a lady can achieve her target, and yet with the delicacy and mystique that only adds to her allure. Mix, match, and vary approaches with your feminine intuition, even some wile and guile! And you have quite won the day and the man.

The simplest is a smile directed at him. Hopefully with eye contact. Awareness of your existence is established in this age old style immediately. Not forward but yet most often with immediate effect. To take this to the next level you conspire to be subtly seen by him in places he frequents. A friend’s home? The book shop or cafe? The office coffee dispenser. The same gym he uses.  And if that does not get him to respond with his own smile and a bit of small talk, you will still have an arsenal to tap on, which we will explore here.

Seek out some area where you can ask him for some small help. Damsel in distress! Asking him for some help to discover an aspect of your phone, a new app? Photographic aspects and editing on your phone? Innovate situations to keep your approach as subtle or as bold as you judge from the situation and your initiative. Remember the eye-contact and that ‘connect’ smile.

Lady you’re getting into his thoughts and that’s the way to get under his skin.

Go tell him your NGO is collecting miniscule funds for Fani-hit Orissa or whatever NGO you work with. Even one hundred can help inflate a fund drive. Ask him out to a café to explain it to him over Coffee? Artlessly ask a question or two about the cricket match or who he voted for. Hopefully the conversation that is still about issues or mildly personal, picks up.

Remember to be interested in what your ‘date’ is saying, look interested, be attentive. Every expert agony aunt has been reiterating this since Queen Victoria’s time isn’t it? Men cannot resist women who are interested in them and are interested in what they say too. The common or garden variety girl today is half on her WhatsApp with a friend, half with directions to driver, or severe school marm censure to the waiter who brought cold water and not room temperature.

So you are what he envisaged would be the girl who has that focus and attention span. The soulmate who he can talk to, and who actually gives attention to every word spoken.

You’ve found your way into a friendship at whatever level. Now you can bring out some of the feminine guiles saved for just such a rainy day.

Choose a trademark light perfume, a classy one that does not smell like hair oil. Amble by, or overtake him in the corridor wafting the aroma till just a hint brings you to his mind. In all these ‘techniques’, besides the shy smile and eye contact, naturally some conversation has occurred.

Getting into a new ‘friendship’ I’d say avoid fussy, argumentative subjects. Strongly opinionated views also can be delivered pleasantly? Strong opinions can be held, but it’s best to be less assertive. On a date, you do want to be your alluring best. This is premature for you to establish that he must take you for you are and those maxims- “This is who I am, take me what I am.”

Light friendly talk and laughter is very charming and attractive. Oh how you laugh at his quirky jokes, like tinkle bells of romance! Every other lady sounds like she’s pumped up with agro testosterone before you. His heart is a-flutter, at his rare good luck of finding the one and only one he will love till they are ninety! (Hopefully). Such an impression you have made.

It’s not you doing all the effort. Your investment brings a bountiful return manifold and redolent of romance just as you always wanted.