Let's talk about sex

A 20-year-old girl from Delhi recently took to Snapchat to talk about her intention to commit suicide after learning about her unwanted pregnancy. She even admitted that she was worried about her family’s “reputation.” On a Snapchat account, she said, “I’m only 20 and the boy who knocked me up isn’t even my boyfriend I’m so scared I think I’ll OD tonight so I don’t bring shame to my family. (sic)” People across the internet supported and comforted her, so much so that she later decided to move on with her life.

While the community successfully helped to avert a tragedy, life coaches say that parents do need to address concerns about sex, especially in a society where the act of intimacy is considered to be a taboo. “Sex is everywhere — children are watching it on the Internet, hearing about it. Then why let them learn the wrong information from unreliable sources?” questions psychologist Dr. Kashish A. Chhabria.

Life coach Khyati Birla insists that it is best to talk about sexuality with children in their early childhood — by 10 or 11 years of age.

“Sex education does not lead to promiscuity,” she clarifies. “Teenage years make children extremely private about their lives. However, speaking about sex early increases the chance that teens will approach parents when things get difficult. Parents can start with what to expect during puberty and explain how the raging hormones could cause emotional and behavioural changes in the child.”

(Left) Last week, a Delhi-based girl announced her decision to end her life after she realised she was pregnant; (Right) Jovanny Varela-Ferreyra, the founder of The Artidote reached out to her.

Being curious about sex is only a natural development among children and hence, Khyati suggests that parents need to be open and compassionate. “Parents should empathise with their children and see to it that they are educated in the best possible manner. One could also make the child attend sex-education camps” She adds that parents could also read about topics like puberty, menstruation, reproduction, sexually transmitted diseases, and premarital sex on the Internet or through books to get the facts right. “The more you know, the less you’ll stumble. Any half-baked information is not going to help your child in any way.”

Kashish warns that a tight-lipped approach about sex won’t work in today’s times. She explains, “Parents need to look for opportunities to discuss these topics. They should make it a one-on-one approach instead of making it a Moral Science lecture. A disciplined attitude will mean that children will be reluctant to discuss things that they should.”

While talking about sexuality can be indeed challenging at first, life coach Chetna Mehrotra says that listening to children’s views can help explain ideas clearly. She says, “Children should be encouraged to ask any questions. Speaking about sex early improves chances of your child approaching you when they are faced with an issue in the future.”