India is desperately seeking the perfect Santa

As we hurtle into 2018, stumbling and falling along the way, we are lost, lost, lost. Only Arvind Kejriwal isn’t lost. He is where he always was — in his own spot. A spot nobody expected him to stay put at, being the troublesome chief minister of Delhi (as unruly a place as he himself is). Perhaps that’s why this strange love-cum-arranged marriage has worked. “Love-cum-arranged” is the paradox of Indian society. We don’t recognise the contradictions in that description. As in all other matters, we “adjust”. India represents the best chewing gum brand on earth — India is good at adjusting, stretching, shrinking, sticking.

I was at a lit fest in Delhi, which was peopled by the usual suspects Delhi loves to hate (me, included). The most discussed man over those two days was Arvind Kejriwal. Why? Because he had boldly articulated what the majority feels but dare not say. Declared Kejriwal (I paraphrase): “The next election (2019), will be a straight contest between one man — Narendra Modi — and the billion-plus people of India”. There! It’s now out there. Plenty of food for thought over the New Year. If that is indeed the scenario, we need to worry. Not because it is Modi who is the Supremo citizens are pitted against. Oh no. It is the crazy balance! By providing such a dramatic perspective, Kejriwal has done us a huge favour. We have a little over 12 months to digest the truth. And find a better equation. The nation will be tested, using scales citizens are uncomfortable with. That is where the problem lies.

No matter how strenuously the Congress Party tries to re-re-re-position the “dimpled darling”, he is not the answer. And they have nobody else. While I was talking to a panicky party loyalist in Delhi, he pointed out the obvious — there is just one Congress leader’s name that is recognised across the length and breadth of this vast country — and that is Rahul Gandhi’s. True. Go to the remotest districts of India and ask. That’s the single name which pops up. So powerful is the Gandhi brand, it is a colossal waste of time to prop up any other. Post-Somnath, a fresh impetus has been injected into the impending Gujarat elections, which will provide the best mood indicator for 2019. Despite capable lieutenants to help Rahul in his mission, nobody cares who they are. It is only Rahul people remember. Oh dear. Just as I was digesting that, I was told some fascinating tales about Rahul Baba’s flights of fancy — literally. Apparently, when he flies Air India, the national carrier, the entire aircraft has to be cleaned with gallons of Nina Ricci, which is procured from Singapore. It is his fragrance of choice, and he must have it. He prefers to keep to himself on board and play video games throughout long-haul flights, after leaving instructions with a handpicked crew not to disturb him, no matter what! That leaves the lackeys accompanying the boss most frustrated, since the whole purpose of booking the same flight as the “master” is to get face time on board. So much for the “prince of India”. Video games win over statecraft.

With the two main players inhabiting different planetary systems, it’s a tough call for voters. But then, which general election in India has been a cakewalk? Let it not be easy for us, the voters, either, is my considered view. Citizens also need to work hard for their privileges. If they are desperately seeking Santa, they must look harder. Maybe mobilise their own reindeer teams and go out into the dangerous, dense woods in search of the perfect Santa. As of now, Kejriwal is the only person left to consider — and that’s through default. But who knows Kejriwal outside of Delhi, Mumbai and our major metros? He is certainly not a household name. And even those who have heard of him, or live in Delhi, express mixed feelings about his bizarre style of functioning. As of now, he is the outsider who can never become an insider. The time is way too short for him to shoot into the national arena. He also doesn’t seem terribly adept at getting into bed with political allies of varying hues to get those vital partnerships in place. Unlike other slippery leaders who get between the sheets with just about anybody to further their personal agendas, Kejriwal is the lone wolf, who doesn’t need a pack to survive in the jungle. That leaves just one person — you know who. Like me, there are countless others who are willing to stretch themselves, suspend reservations and declare their willingness to give the NDA a fair chance in 2019. A fair chance. That is the operative phrase. How fair is fair?

I was told by a political pundit in Delhi that the Ram mandir issue is a done deal. The mandir will be built, no matter what. If that is a given, please be upfront and transparent — state it. Why use the mandir as yet another election tool? When I expressed my fears regarding the consequences, I was assured I should relax — there would be zero collateral damage. How was this person so sure? He smiled mysteriously and said quietly, “I know.” Wow! Everybody in Delhi seems to “know” something the rest of the country doesn’t. Soon 2019 will be upon us. Santa is still nowhere in sight. I am still thinking about Kejriwal’s words. Modi vs citizens. Flip that and what do you get ? Rahul vs citizens. Gulp! Santa has his work cut out for him.

But in the unlikely event that Rahul Baba manages a miracle, and gets to the hot seat, how many gallons/tankers of Nina Ricci will he order to get all of India to smell good, while he plays his video games?