Kill that green-eyed monster

Is your partner’s insecurity taking a toll on your emotional health We got experts to share a few pointers on how to make the relationship work

Johhny Depp is reportedly giving wife Amber Heard a tough time over her friendship with James Franco. An entertainment tabloid reported earlier this week that Johhny believes the two are getting too close for comfort and hence wants Amber to stay away from James. It doesn’t help that the two have remained friends for years and have worked in professional capacities with each other.

Relationship experts and life coaches we spoke to tell us that insecurity in a relationship can plague and ruin it. They warn that if an issue like this isn’t dealt with sensitively, it can take a toll on the relationship, and severe professional ties too.

Reassure your partner

Life coach and psychologist Khyati Birla says that understanding the root problem behind the insecurity will help put things in perspective, adding that expressing confidence in a partner will help put him/her at ease. She says, “Don’t let imagination ruin your reality. If your partner feels jealous about your close relationship with a co-worker, chances are that he/she feels insecure and is worried about losing you. Help him/her understand the equation between you two since misunderstandings can ruin the relationship in the long term. Keep your office and home life separate and establish firm boundaries to help your partner feel more secure and wanted.”

Stop putting off uncomfortable conversations

While it is easy to skirt the issue, life coaches tell us that it is not the best thing for your relationship in the long term. Having a discussion about one’s fears could help both the partners; according to life coach Milind Jadhav. He says, “Have faith in your partner, however, if it is still an issue, have a frank chat with your partner. Reaffirm what he/she means to you. Doing this will help the relationship positively.”

Make sure your professional ties aren’t severed

Life coach and etiquette consultant Chetna Mehrotra reveals that in a situation where insecurity is involved, it is often the third person that bears the brunt of the relationship. If the person happens to be a mutual contact, she says it could create havoc for interpersonal relationships. She says, “It all boils down to growing up as a person — one can either work on the relationship or severe professional ties because of insecurity issues. See what is important — one would need to take a call and try to switch off the personal issues for a while so that work can happen smoothly. Or you must only enter in a professional deal after clarifying all your problems.”

Here are a few strategies to make sure your insecurity doesn’t get the worst out of you:

Don’t create stories in your head about what might be happening between your partner and somebody

Don’t snoop on your partner

If you love your partner, focus on your partner’s happiness. Put your partner’s interest before yours. If you do this, he/she will do so too. In relationships and in life, you get what you give

There is a difference between what you see and what is — they’re never the same.

Remember, the mind is negative by default. It is normal and human to feel jealous. You can consciously work on

your mind to think positive and get rid of jealousy.

(Inputs by Milind Jadhav)