No gentlemen around

Rihanna’s remarks open up a debate if chivalry has lost its relevance in the hookup culture that we live in

International pop icon Rihanna, in the latest issue of a popular magazine, has opened up about why she thinks men today are afraid to be men. She was quoted as saying; “They think being a real man is actually being a pussy, that if you take a chair out for a lady, or you’re nice or even affectionate to your girl in front of your boys, you’re less of a man. It’s so sick. They won’t be gentlemen because that makes them appear soft. That’s what we’re dealing with now, a hundred percent, and girls are settling for that, but I won’t.” In the hookup culture we now live in, is chivalry becoming ‘uncool’ and ‘old fashioned’

The more we look around, the less do we see men treating women the way they were supposed to. Rajesh Nair, an orthodontist says, “I think, in the era of communication between 140 character tweets, we’ve lost our ability to communicate, altogether. We men don’t take the time and effort to get to really know people anymore and have hence lost the interest and passion for traditional courtship practices. However, the women are equally to blame. They have become complacent and have allowed men to get away with adhering to the bare minimum. I mean there’s no right way to court these days. Some women like to be wined, dined and romanced. Others see a guy who tries too hard as being too pushy. What one woman sees as chivalrous, the other sees as offensive. And yes, we live in a society where hookup culture is prevalent. But aren’t women willing participants too ”

The girls however, think otherwise. Shanaya Singh, a Bengaluru-based interior designer, says, “As independent women, we don’t need a man to pull my chair out for us. No need to treat everyone as if they’re some precious little flower. All we demand is respect. Chivalry starts and ends with that little thing called respect. And to those who think girls are settling for mediocrity, I don’t think respect is the bare minimum either. I think it’s the most important thing there is. And, at the end of the day, being a gentleman should fall on the men’s shoulders. Not ours.”

Etiquette experts stress very few women will turn down a guy because he opens a door for her — and some will even choose that guy over those who don’t do it. It seems while there might not be a great downside to practising chivalry, there is certainly something significant to lose by not doing so. Relationship counselor Rajesh Shankar says, “The phrase ‘knight in shining armour’ is used in society to refer to a man who possesses chivalrous traits like opening doors, pulling out chairs, and allowing a woman to order first at a diner. These acts of chivalry simply show a sign of respect for a woman. Also, while most men hate the whole act of chivalry, what they don’t understand is that they’re making the whole experience of dating a lot less romantic and fun by underplaying chivalry or killing it off completely.”