The Good wife?

The alleged buzz, around IIT Banaras offering a course solely for bettering interpersonal skills of women, has raised eyebrows and has irked netizens and young students across the country.

Women nearing marriageable age are  constantly pressured  to conform to societal norms. And more so, to do exactly that which would earn them the title of a ‘perfect wife’.   

We talk to youngsters about how they perceive marriage and how significant such courses can be. Harsha Vardhan, a law student, opines, “Marriage is a private affair between two people. A relationship as such is one that can be successful only by learning from experience. While you can teach a person how to cook or wash their clothes, it is not possible to teach them how to live a married life. The fact that such a course is proposed only for women, while as unnecessary as it is, shows us the sexist mentality of people.”

A few others believe that a premarital course is necessary to know your partner better and to also reduce the number of divorce rates in our country.

Nikhil Davies, a data scientist, says, “In my opinion, a premarital course can be helpful in today’s world where the number of people getting divorced is on the rise. But I don’t believe that it is only the women who need it. Both men and women can be equally flawed and err. While the egoistic nature of men might stop them from attending such a course, women often don’t have an option. When I attended the course, it was an opportunity for me to know my life partner better. The course focused on treating your partner equally and to be supportive of each other.”

No such course is offered in colleges in most cities but some religious institutions make it mandatory to attend a premarital course for brides and grooms to be.

Elizabeth Shaji, a housewife, having attended one such course in Bengaluru, throws light on the importance of the content of such courses. ‘I was lucky enough to have attended a course that focused on things that mattered but premarital courses which were designed to help young couples lead a successful marriage are now being construed to fit the prejudice and bias of certain people. Religious texts are manipulated to suit their need. It shouldn’t be about teaching women to be submissive and humble and men to be strong and supportive. These are stereotypes which don’t make sense today. It should rather be about supporting one another and being treated equally.”

Dr Berin Lukas, head of department of sociology in St Joseph’s College, believes that by asking women to be a part of such a course we give out a message that men can be however they are and do whatever they want while women have to live up to stereotypes.

She says, “In this day and age telling a woman how a married life should be is unnecessary. It feels like we are going back in time to the Victorian era which practised a finishing school system. It is atrocious that women should be subjected to something like that. There shouldn’t be a stereotype of how a marriage should be, leave alone how a human being should be. It is up to two people who have decided to come together. It is not fair to compartmentalise it.”