The trend of restricting the number of children to two, and in many cases even one, observed a couple of decades ago is changing in Kashmiri families which now opt for three or more kids.
Srinagar: Polygamy, somewhat alien to local Muslims until sometime ago, is fast making inroads into the Kashmir Valley, particularly in rural areas.
The trend of restricting the number of the children to two or one observed a couple of decades ago is changing in Kashmiri families too. Couples now opt for three or more children. Clergy who would openly scold local Muslims for deliberately deviating from the doctrine of nature and the Islamic code of belief seem to be pleased over the change in the mindset for having larger families, though they are not fully satisfied.
The change is attributed to various reasons, the important of these being the fact that more than 100, 000 people have been consumed by the nearly three-decade old armed conflict in the State (the official statistics put the number of deaths half as that).
As the first consequence, the bloodshed has turned the scenic Kashmir Valley into the land of orphans and widows. Also, more than 1,500 women have been rendered ‘half-windows’ and a couple of thousands of children ‘half-orphaned’ because as many as 8,000 people have fallen victim of involuntary disappearances during this period.
According to The Save the Children Fund, commonly known as ‘Save the Children’, a London-based international non-governmental organisation that promotes children's rights, provides relief and helps support children in developing countries, the restive State has 215, 000 orphans of which more than 37 per cent have lost one or both parents to the conflict. It says that more than 15 per cent of these children live in orphanages. The Kashmir Valley where just one orphanage existed in 1986 has now more than 700 orphanages.
A survey done by a local trust for the orphans and widows says that the Kashmir Valley alone had two years ago more than 32,000 widows and more than 97,000 orphans. However, Khurram Parvez, programme coordinator of Jammu Kashmir Coalition of Civil Society (JKCCS), disputes these figures and says that the number of children who were orphaned after their fathers fell prey to violence is between 25,000-30,000. “I’m talking about the Kashmir Valley alone and those orphans only who lost their fathers to violence,” he said.
Kashmir watchers and other experts say that since men, mainly in the age-group of 15-30, being the dominant figure in the list of the slain in violence, an imbalance has been caused in sex ratio in the Kashmiri population. The increasing number of young windows, on the other hand, has thrown a big social challenge to society. Many people while accepting this challenge have taken women among “war-widows” as their second wives, many others opted for have more children with a view to “rebalance” the gender ratio.
Psychologists says that the unending violence and the miseries it brought with it for the local population has apart from changing the demographic character of the Valley disturbed the family life rather shattered many Kashmiri homes. With their children disappearing forever, the parents have lost the peace of mind. Many have turned mentally ill.
The Valley’s noted psychiatrist Dr. Abdul Waheed Khan said that among dozens of patients he sees every week many are women suffering from psychological problems including depression culminating into physical disorders. He recalls treating a number of such women who were suffering from mental disorders in the aftermath of losing their children to violence. “I treated one such lady whose three sons had been killed and now being childless she took it to her heart and fell ill,” he said. Another woman had a surviving daughter but since her both sons had been killed she very ardently asked Khan if she could conceive again. “After treating her for a few weeks I referred her to a gynecologist,” he said.
Gynecologists confirm that they are visited by women who had opted for vasectomies earlier with the desire to conceive again after losing their children to violence. They also say that many Kashmiri couples now opt for three or more children.
Two noted Valley gynecologists interviewed by this correspondent said that they normally discourage their patients from going for early vasectomy whether one has given birth to a male or female baby. They said that they do that because it (vasectomy) creates lot of problems and disorders in women which includes heavy bleeding and premature menopause.
They pointed out that mortality rate in Jammu and Kashmir particularly in far off villages and among the tribal and other weaker sections of the society is high as compared to many other parts of the country.
“It is true the women who have lost their children to the conflict for whatever reason now routinely come to us with the desire to conceive again. The number is quite large, ” said a senior gynecologist of the Valley.
Polygamy had been somewhat alien to the Kashmiris Muslims unlike their co-religionists elsewhere but taking in second wife by men mainly from the villages too has become normal. Various political, social and religious leaders of Kashmir have been publicly asking the people who can afford it physically, economically and otherwise to take second wife from among the “war widows” — women whose husbands were killed in separatist violence. Their plea is that it would resolve to great extent the widows’ problem and also prevent social evils cropping up in the Kashmiri society. Many Kashmiris have accepted their advice. However, the society is still undecided on the fate of “half-widows”.
“I won’t say undecided. It is mainly because of ignorance that the Kashmiri society has not been able to address this issue appropriately,” said Sheikh Showkat Hussain who is a professor of human rights and international law at the Central University, Kashmir.
While many of the Valley’s women whose husbands have disappeared but are not declared dead have pledged to wait for their missing husbands till the “last breath”, the clergy have conflicting views.
But Hussain says that the issue stands settled once for all. “The Dissolution of Muslim Marriage Act (1940) is categorical on this issue,” he said. The law permits a woman to seek divorce if the whereabouts of her husband are not known for a period of four years and if, after the second marriage, her first husband returns the first marriage stands dissolved.
