Over the years, the dynamics of romantic relationships have changed tremendously. Today, a person looks for someone they are compatible with, someone they can understand, rather than someone society deems an eligible partner. Take, for instance, Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas. Though the world expected the desi girl to choose someone more established and older than herself, she’s chosen a partner that she enjoys being with and is able to relate to, without bothering about his age or his professional success. Meanwhile, former Miss Universe Sushmita Sen is also reported to be dating model Rohman Shawl, who’s much younger than her.
Relationship expert Kavyal Sedani explains, “Until a few years ago, in a relationship it was important that the man be older than the woman because he would generally be the breadwinner. Those barriers no longer exist. Now, both partners are financially and emotionally independent in most situations. Also, society has become more liberal; everyone minds their own business. So the value of society’s approval has hugely reduced.”
Gone are the days when a relationship followed the norms and rules laid down by the majority. In this day and age, people look for peace of mind above all else, and if they happen to find a partner whose life goals align with their own, they’re willing to make a commitment. “It’s important is to understand that relationships today are not just about building a family,” says relationship expert Richa Khetawat, adding, “In most cases, both partners work and have their individual lives, and hence it is imperative that the relationship should not become a burden.
You want to come back home to a person who makes you forget about your stressful day rather than someone who adds to your stress. That’s why many people choose partners who add value to their lives, people who have an outlook similar to their own.”
Rumour has it that the recently-divorced Malaika Arora is in a relationship with actor Arjun Kapoor, who is 12 years her junior. Another couple that’s making headlines for their age gap is the
40-year-old French president Emmanuel Macron and his 65-year-old wife Brigitte. Despite the odds stacked against them, the two have been happily married for over 11 years.
Shedding some light on the psyches of these people, practising psychotherapist and REBT practitioner Srilatha Srikant says, “Today’s men may have grown up seeing women taking on less traditional and more powerful roles. Hence, the stereotypical notions of males being the protectors and females being the nurturers assume less importance. Many women work full time and raise families, and the men who are used to this feel less threatened.”
Explaining what drives these relationships, she adds, “As in any other relationship, the success of a relationship with a significant age gap depends on the extent to which partners share similar values, beliefs and goals, and the way they resolve problems in constructive ways. These factors have little do with age.”
For decades, society assumed that people of the same or similar age were more likely to think alike and overcome problems, but we now know that that’s not true. Today, women who are much older than their male partners are able to make it work just as well as anyone else. “What brings two people together is, hopefully, compatibility: sexually, interpersonally and in values,” says Srilatha, adding, “It goes without saying that maintaining any relationship takes unremitting hard work through the lifetime of that relationship. This calls for flexibility and adaptability through different stages of life. While an age gap may pose challenges for some couples, as long as both partners are willing to work at the relationship, age is no barrier.”
