Radhika, a happy cheerful girl and a corporate leader, successfully managed a team of 10 subordinates under her. Recently her team won a ‘Pioneer Award’ for excellence in work for three consecutive years. She was feeling victorious. She also knew the art of hiding her emotions well. Radhika did not share a very happy emotional relationship with her mother. Everything seemed happy from outside but there was a void in their relationship. It was nothing major but something just didn’t seem right between the two and she never accepted that this was making her weak emotionally.
Being happy for the world and feeling content are two different states of being. With the kind of environment we have created around us, we all tend to live in a dual state of mind. Happy yet not content. True happiness is not related to work and success or money and positions. It is beyond that. You are unable to justify why an incident from the past happened to you and that still makes you uncomfortable.
Art of acceptance
First of all, you need to understand that it is not necessary to seek answers for each and every incident that happened to you. Concentrating on the ‘Why’ doesn’t help much, it just creates more dissonance inside you. It is very important to master the art of acceptance. It can only happen when you freely allow yourself to experience your emotional state of being without judging it for being right or wrong. This will help you align well with your emotional state. If it makes you feel miserable, let it. Do not chase away the feeling. The biggest mistake we do while trying to heal the hurt is to not acknowledge it. Revisit your past and embrace the incident that keeps popping up now and then.
Cleanse past wounds
Move on to the next act in order to make yourself realise that it was your past. The hurt is no longer a part of your physical reality. But your emotional being is bringing it in your present. Whatever you are experiencing is just a thought. It is powerless if you don’t have any emotional reaction to it. It is impossible to forget your past and you cannot change it either. So it is important to begin the cleansing of the past wounds.
The easiest way to do it is to follow positive affirmations. Some easy ones like: I love and accept myself completely, I am at peace with my past, All my past emotions are now resolved, and more.
Power of forgiveness
Another not so easy one is forgiveness. Because of our egoistic self, the moment the word forgiveness is uttered, we immediately say “how can I forgive when I am the one who has been hurt?” There is a Chinese proverb which says, “If you are going to pursue revenge, you better dig two graves”.
Anger, resentment and hurt from the past makes life vulnerable. You are only responsible for your own self. So to come out of the hurt, it is necessary that you take the step towards forgiveness. It will help you realise that forgiveness will gradually help you heal your hurt.
As we gradually move ahead with the hurt from the past, at every step we compare our lives with that of others. We see happy families, loving relationships, respectful youngsters and of course good financial assistance. But we fail to see the hidden part behind the picture. Do you share your life as an open book with others? Similarly, not everyone shares the complete story. Concentrate only on your own life and make yourself your own role model.
Fill yourself with love
Engage in practices like meditation, yoga and some light exercises. Connect with yourself. While practicing these, make sure to remind yourself that you do not have control on how others behave with you. But you can very well control your behaviour towards yourself and others. Do not look for love outside. Fill yourself with so much love and compassion from inside that everyone you meet radiates the love you have been looking for. Ahh! This feeling really fills me with so much love.
Your past doesn’t define you. You are now aware that you are not responsible for whatever happened. Do I still need to know why I am holding the hurt from my past? Do I still need love from that one person? Be your own judge. Your answer to these questions are a pathway towards healing the wounds that hurt you.
Vidisha Singh is a life coach who practices different healing modalities for healing and balancing life. You can contact her at: singhvidisha@gmail.com
