Being too hard on oneself makes working mothers unhappy: study

Working mothers, take note! Being too hard on yourself about how you are faring as a parent can negatively impact your happiness, say scientists who unveiled the factors behind the well being of such women.

Working mother's sense of well-being drops when she feels inadequate, under pressure, and is alienated from her social circle by her efforts work and be a good parent all at once, according to a study published in the Journal of Happiness Studies.

The study also found that her own baby's temperament has little influence on her sense of well-being, but having a more extrovert child does help some women to feel more positive about motherhood, and to be less hard on themselves.

"Our findings point to a complex interplay between parent and child characteristics in the prediction of maternal wellbeing," said Katrijn Brenning, from the University of Ghent in Belgium.

The research team analysed five days of diary entries made by 126 mothers after their maternity leave ended and they had to leave their babies at a day-care facility for the first time.

This tends to be a particularly stressful episode in the life of working mothers because it is often the first time that they are separated from their children.

With maternity leave over, they also need to learn how to balance their work and family lives effectively.

Although the temperament of their children did not have much influence on the mothers' sense of well-being, More positive perceptions of the child's temperament were found to buffer to some extent against the affective difficulties associated with a lack of need satisfaction, high need frustration and maternal self-criticism, Brenning said.

In their interaction with their children, mothers should seek out experiences that also help to satisfy their own daily psychological needs.

Mothers should not be too hard on themselves about how they are faring as a mother, search for activities with their baby that they enjoy, and create opportunities to spend with their offspring in a warm and affectionate way, researchers said.

The positive influence and energy this creates could be beneficial in that it allows mothers to interact with their child in a more sensitive, patient, and positive fashion.

The researchers also believe that clinical counsellors should highlight to their female patients how important it is to ensure that their own psychological needs are met, amid the pressures of motherhood and work.

"Need frustration relates to daily distress and to more cold and intrusive parent-child interactions," she said.

The findings highlight how difficult it is for women whose personalities tend to veer towards the depressive and the self-critical to adjust to parenthood.

Brenning therefore thinks that prevention and intervention strategies should be in place to help such women cope in their first few months of parenthood.