No matter how anchored or balanced we think we are, there are circumstances and people that can periodically throw us completely off kilter ruining all manner of peace. It could be a child in the middle of a tantrum, a spouse being unreasonable, or the person at the other end of the so called helpline complicating matters and worse still being rude when your laptop is on the blink, or the nitwit on the road who raises your hackles with his daredevilry.
At such times we need to realise that the key to peace is in our hands and recognise drama when it is unfolding.
By refusing to get drawn into it and being a party to its escalation, we can avert needless confrontations. Walking away or responding without agitation or without wasting words takes the wind out of the sails. Telling people to calm down never works — it only leads to a new argument.
Parallely, try to wade through the maze before you and figure where it is all coming from — baggage from the past which the other person is holding on to or some recent development or disappointment (even children struggle to deal with this) or just plain DNA.
If the relationship matters to you, then you can try broaching the subject when tempers have cooled. If the other person has quietened down sufficiently, good for you but if he/she chooses to remain angry and wants to fight, there is no point in attempting a dialogue in that surcharged state. If you do not remain detached from it, all your judgment is bound to get clouded.
By heightening our peace aura with a variety of tools we can lower our anger threshold and equip ourselves for such meltdowns. Harness the power of meditation, energy techniques, yoga, tai chi, sport... whatever works for you.
If in spite of one’s best efforts things spiral out of control, maybe the confrontation or showdown was bound to happen for some good to emerge. Nothing ever happens, no one ever crosses your path at a given moment without divine sanction (sounds unbelievable but sometimes the planets portend such run-ins). Look for the lessons. It is probably the other person’s karma that this started. How you respond is in your control. One needs experience even in getting better at handling these situations.
Pray for the other person and ask God’s help in order that better sense may prevail and the relationship is harmonised. Believe me this works and things happen before your eyes.
Also gain some perspective. A few days back I was in the Great Rann of Kutch, an unbelievably huge expanse of white desert. About two hundred people may have been there in this desert at that point and each one looked like an insignificant speck. We were all waiting to catch that spectacular sight of the sun setting. Once the glorious sun dipped into the horizon and dissolved so to speak, people lost no time in hurrying to go back before darkness enveloped the place.
Life too is like that. As the curtains come down on one day we move on to the next. That is how we should look at our confrontations and disagreements as well. Pull down the curtains and move on. Your energies would have been conserved and wisdom will emerge naturally.
The writer is a Reiki channel, yoga practitioner and a spiritual seeker
