I was confused, unhappy and reactive all the way from age 16 to 33. What scared the dickens out of me was the random way things happened. All around me, parents or grandparents were dying. People were contracting illnesses or having sudden and calamitous accidents. Heartbreaks were an epidemic and so were contentious and toxic relationships. Evidently there was just no limit to all the things that could go wrong. And how on earth was one to safeguard against these eventualities?
It took a spiritual awakening for me to see things right side up. Where once I saw a malevolent fate out to get us, I saw a benevolent fate determined to make us realise our highest potential. All the difficulties it threw our way were lessons in living that we were meant to master and in doing so, increase our quotient of patience, courage, dynamism, enterprise, acceptance or endurance. Life, I realised, was one huge classroom and the circumstances in our lives were the curriculum prescribed by the Universe.
So if life causes us to fail an exam, lose a job, short-circuit a relationship or experience poverty, it is not because it wants to destroy us, but because it wants to build us up. So we need to prepare ourselves to do so.
And the first step is always to look for the lessons the situation holds for us. What did we do wrong to lose that job? Were we complacent and ceased to grow? Was our relationship with co-workers harmonious? What about our relationship with our boss? All or more problems arise because we have taken our eyes off the ball, or have gone off track. In its loving way, life is trying to tell us to change and return to goodness and growth.
Once you have the answers to your questions, you will know how to change your destiny. All you have to do is to change those behaviour patterns that have caused you to fail. Admittedly, that is not easy for you will need humility, commitment and courage. But the beautiful thing is that it is possible.
In my own experience, awareness of the behaviour pattern, acceptance of it and affirming its opposite will bring you good results, though slowly. For instance, if laziness is a pattern you want to change, become aware of how it shows up in your life. Lovingly accept that pattern and its consequences. If you cannot do that, accept that you cannot accept. Keep affirming that action is your natural state of being.
If we fail to take corrective action and persist in blaming others, fate or God, the benevolent Universe will continue to send us similar problems again and again, because it will never give up on our growth. So still that plaintive cry, ‘Why does this always happen to me?’ and work on yourself.
The truth is that we cannot change anything or anybody, even though we spend all our energy trying to do so. We can only change ourselves. And when we change, everything around us changes. When we heal the recklessness that causes accidents, we will have moved a step ahead in evolution.
Personally, recognising that all situations are growth opportunities has helped me completely reverse my attitude towards them. Instead of regarding them with fear and loathing, I see them for what they are — friends who are guiding me to become a better version of myself.
The writer is the former editor-in-chief of Life Positive magazine and founder, facilitator of the Zen of Good Writing Course. Contact her at sumavarughese@gmail.com
