Richard’s eyes popped out of his sockets as his friends were discussing the number of times they were able to ‘make out’ in a day. Five times a day? he asked, perplexed. His jaws dropped as he made a mental spreadsheet underlying the staggering comparative analysis that was unfolding there.
Discussing the frequency with which one has sex is often like discussing salaries. One always wants to know how much the other is getting. This could be linked either to envy or just to know if one is on par with the crowd and of course to reassure oneself that one has not been singled out for being iniquitously treated in the hands of destiny.
All the surveys conducted so far throughout the world, give a wide range of sexual frequency among the study population. For example, the legendary sexologist Alfred Kinsey’s study described a man who had sex only once in a span of 30 years, to people who had sex 4 or 5 times in a single day. So with such an overwhelming range, it becomes impossible to infer what is normal. Here is the basic statistic: first year of marriage — 18 times a month; next five years — 15/month; after 10 years — 9/month; after 15 years — 2/month.
Delve deeper into the issue and we find that a man tries to increase his frequency to assert his masculinity. Women attribute reduced frequency to the fact that they have already proved their femininity by producing children.
If low frequency is really bothering you then seek help. Otherwise, here are a few tips: Never compare. It differs from couple to couple. Focus on quality and not quantity. You need to satisfy only yourself and not the world. Sex is not a number game. Sex does not mean ‘in and out alone’. Hugging, kissing, etc. also entail quality.
The writer is a sexologist. Mail him at dr.narayana@deccanmail.com
