It is common knowledge that a lot of men marry to please their parents , but in reality crave a relationship with people of the same sex. The marriage of their dreams might be with that person. The same is true with many women. The problem with this is that they end up destroying the life of the woman or man whom they have married to ‘keep up appearances’ and have a ‘normal’ life. As soon as the rituals are done the farce continues with two miserable people, with them having relationships outside the farce of a marriage conducted for outside appearance. It is indeed tragic and something even more in focus after the success of the film Rocketman based on the life of famed musician and singer Elton John.
Without gay relationship coaching and help available to society, a gay individual has to often live his entire life without a companion, due to the social stigma and guilt. It is rare for him to find fulfilment and love until he is able to shake away the limiting beliefs piled upon us by a misguided society that speaks of ‘preserving’ a misinterpreted past culture’.
Communication is the most powerful tool in a relationship. To communicate and use the right body language to connect works in seeking and finding a fulfilling relationship whether it is straight or same sex relationship. The most important path to follow with a same sex relationship is to be honest about it. The worst track is to marry the opposite sex to please one’s family instead of going with one’s biological reality. With a country raging forward in the global scenario I wonder how we hope to be recognized as an inclusive force if we wear blinkers about very tangible factions of our society. Even though section 377 has been abolished, same sex love is still not acceptable in many societies. Parents balk at the idea of a child going ‘that’ way. The relationship of a same sex couple is indeed very genuine and tangible. I studied design at school in California, the home of free love and relationships. There are different manifestations of love, without shame. In more traditional communities gay marriage is unactable, especially when not long ago it was considered a crime.
I have close friends who have alternate preferences -gay and transgender people and I know them to be good friends, sensitive and caring in demeanour as anyone else and very creative. They do after all have a right to seek a life of companionship and fulfilment just as much as the rest. Narrow minded concepts have had their day – relationships of love, sex and marriage are personal preferences and should be allowed the freedom of choice between consenting adults. It was actually against what India stands for because this is an egalitarian country the base of whose founding principles are equality, justice, and a fair life for everyone, regardless of sexuality, creed, and identity. Pluralism and liberalism was part of our civilization where diversity signified us as a people in India, long before equality was touted by philosophers. Primeval ideologies have no place in the modern world.
By marginalising gay relationships and making them unacceptable in places of work, the very practical issue is that they will anyway exist and do what they need to do to live but we will lose out on their contribution to our society. Significantly large sections condemned to degrees of depression guilt, humiliation and subterfuge impede society, where they may be an highly inspired, productive contributing sector that find themselves unhappy misfits and outsiders despite the legal freedom to choose a partner of their liking. Worse still they may be struck with clinical psychological or psychiatric conditions and lead tortured lonely lives. Moral policing has little place in a broadminded world.
I do believe that it must be a live and let live world. It’s ok for people to be inclined towards other people and this is hardly reason enough to oppress and suppress their potential towards happy productive lives. Even the country suffers manpower loss due to the psychological humiliation leading to loss of productivity. Pursuit of happiness and freedom of choice when it does not infringe on the wellbeing of others is a right. And one cannot dictate relationship choices upon anyone but oneself.
The writer is a columnist, designer and brand consultant. Mail her at nishajamvwal@-gmail.com
