How does one conduct oneself after a bad break up? Times are such that to make a public spectacle of you in that moment of despair is not wise at all. Our life and times in this age is all about conducting yourself with grace and maturity. The first discussion point that comes to mind of a person suffering a break up, is the need to vent their rage and outrage at rejection that one partner is certainly left feeling with. The person takes every opportunity to rant at the villainy of the recent partner and malign him to whoever will listen, with extreme and unseemly words.
However much one speaks about dealing with life after a break-up, it is not enough. In our times, even vows of lifelong commitment through good times and bad are not sufficient and marriages are falling apart everywhere. Even very ‘in love’ couples that begin with starry eyes seem more susceptible to delusion and break-up. The aftermath can be hurt, pain, anger, resentment, vindictiveness, grief, humiliation and a whole gamut of unwanted emotions that are often not easy to cope with.
We've all been through them. Sometimes a number of times, and sometimes with feelings of despair and wonder that you may not be meant for this happiness ever and a feeling that you will never find that perfect fit for you. After a break up, the world seems bleak, but to present yourself to the outside world as a person who is not a drone is important. You just cannot catch hold of every one in conversation with you and go into long uninvited details about your bitter experience.
Yes it is a truth, however you feel about it, time heals, and life helps you with new opportunities. And of course there are the ‘how to’ manuals, advice and techniques that perhaps help. But today I am thinking about the reactions or, more so the over- reactions that one are avoidable because they leave you regretting them later, when emotion is calmed and the matter is long past but it has left shoddy debris in its wake that is not swept away easily.
You we're seen as a loving twosome. It didn't work out! Let Go! It’s an ended story!
No matter how things ended, remember, at this end, even though seething with ego bruises, rejection rage and a growing chapter of blame- maturity and practical good sense avers that you do not go out there and rant about perceived wrongs of either of you. It is unwise to get into personal allegations about each other.
Whatever the cause of the debacle, it's mature to remember that you must be a person in control or awry emotions running amok after a bitter break-up.
Instead of dismantling, one could use exercise, happy cheerful music, and counselling, happy movies, to move on and come to a state of a composed dismissal of the past.
Remember many of the persons you choose to vent to, may be as much close friends to your partner as to you. It's uncomfortable for them, to say the least, and certainly makes you come across as undignified, or worse, as immature and adolescent in behaviour.
A current example comes to mind. Rajiv Gandhi came out of trauma at the age of forty as a suave statesman who fast-trained India from the archaic to the telecom, digital era in a short ten year span, while at forty his son is seen as 'Pappu’ mired in petty squabbles and you hear people say, “go on and “get a life!” beyond petty squabbles?
If you have to get it out of your system, it's best to get your bearings right with a session or two with a professional counsellor, it's worth the fee to get an emotionally scrambled brain cooking in rage, sorted with objective help so that you go forth in life with the guidance of a balanced picture feeling sorted with objective help so you go forth in life with a brain free for productive and creative thoughts. You will then have a go to person to sort out your crossed wires and will not capture everyone who even says hello to you and tell them your woebegone story. Maligning him or her to common friends corrodes your own self-respect and sense of positivity and maturity. Your common friends may even sympathise with the silent other, after all he or she is likeable and was likeable even to you at one time? And aren't there always two sides to an altercation?
The silent one comes across the winner. Your public out there is thinking, if not voicing- “Come on, stop wailing, you too could have been at fault. Now let’s chat over the shambles Theresa May has left behind after Brexit!”
The writer is a columnist, designer and brand consultant. Mail her at nishajamvwal@gmail.com
