There are friends and enemies — and there are brothers, sisters and other relations. We see them loving each other and hating each other. There are moments when they are ready to die for each other; and then there are moments when they become very inimical — so much so that they can kill each other. Strangely, they happen to be the same people who were in love and now they hate each other. This sudden change from love to hatred and in rare cases, from hate to love, makes us wonder how and why this happens.
There’s always a conflict in our relationships that starts developing very early in childhood. Very often, the children observe that they are not getting enough love or attention from parents, while their younger/elder brothers or sisters are getting all the love and attention. Such situations do create inferiority complex or self-pity in most children, and they could become violent too. This, indeed, is a very unhealthy and toxic beginning of life for children.
And there’s another dimension. A parent wants his or her child to do something and the child resists being controlled. If he cannot resist for some reason and does everything as expected, he or she will keep shimmering, feeling bitter and will take revenge in future whenever possible. Now the question is how to deal with children in such situations?
Osho shares his insight: The mother may love one child more, another a little less. You cannot expect that she should love absolutely equally; it is not possible. Children are very perceptive. They can immediately notice this. They know that this pretension of the mother’s loving them equally is just bogus. So an inner conflict, fight, ambition arises.
Osho reminds us to acknowledge that each child is different. Somebody has a musical talent; somebody does not have it. Somebody has a mathematical talent and somebody has not. Somebody is physically more beautiful than the other or one has a certain charm of personality and the other is lacking it. Then more and more problems arise, and children are taught to be nice, never to be true. If children are taught to be true, they will fight it out, and they will drop it by fighting. They will be angry, they will fight and say hard things to one another, and then they will be finished, because children get rid of things very easily. If they are angry, they will be angry, hot, almost volcanic, but the next moment they will be holding each other’s hands and everything will be forgotten. Children are very simple, but often they are not allowed that simplicity. They are told to be nice, whatever the cost. They are prohibited from being angry at each other: “She is your sister, he is your brother. How can you be angry?” But anger is there and it does need expression.
We need to guide children to understand anger as energy, learn catharsis consciously (shout and scream) and transform it with sitting silently a few moments in meditation. It is easier if they learn this art in their formative years, because later on when they become older, it may become quite difficult to change.
