Shobhaa De | Judging our judges: Has India got a wake-up call?

Are our learned judges playing April Fool jokes on us every day of the year? Hate to think we’ve been had. But seriously… something’s wrong in the state of the judiciary. It’s a bitter pill to swallow.

To quote the brilliant late Arun Jaitley: “There are two kinds of judges: those who know the law and those who know the law minister.” We can laugh uneasily at Jaitley’s on-point remark. But the harsh reality of his observation escapes nobody. What a disturbing scenario: look at the notorious infighting our judges are engaging in! It’s a dangerous war zone out there. Throw in blatant favouritism… and now, the latest scandal involving a gigantic pile of notes accidentally discovered at a judge’s residence! Imagine… four to five sacks of burnt Rs 500 currency notes were found by a sanitation worker near Justice Yashwant Varma’s home. He immediately distanced himself from the mess and called it a “conspiracy”. At a time when citizens are swimming in uncertain waters, wondering who and what they can turn to in a crisis, one bombshell after another involving our learned judges keeps exploding. Damage control? Too late for that. Our judges are being judged! As the credibility of our lawmakers gets dented, civil society takes the biggest hit. Dekho toh -- arbitrary transfers of high court judges, appointment of Supreme Court judges, the hustling and bargaining behind the scenes, to say nothing of blatant lobbying… no, no, no, your honours! Black deeds behind those black robes? Where does that leave justice-seekers?

The level of unchecked powers we have granted the authorities reflects equally poorly on us. Why are we running scared and meekly surrendering to authoritarian rules? Can nobody stand up to bullying by the State? Part of the syndrome has to do with people losing faith in our courts and how the system works. Jaitley put it bluntly. If a litigant today does not know someone who knows someone… consider the case as a “gone case” no matter how strong the grounds. The first thing a desperate litigant is told is to locate the middleman (dalal) and arrange a “setting”, bribe whosoever can get the job done at the earliest… and even after all that, there is no guarantee that matters will move. The most upright individual hesitates to take the straight and narrow legal route, aware of the pitfalls -- the engineered court adjournments, delays and perverse interpretations. Junior lawyers are instructed by veterans: “Forget facts… Remember, offence is the best defence.” The successful lawyers strut around the court corridors like Bollywood superstars, followed by a worshipful, attentive entourage, hanging on to every instruction and word. Most leading lawyers barricade themselves behind layers of juniors who may or may not represent the best interests of the client… the person paying astronomical legal fees. The same person who has to fork out lakhs and lakhs before the high and mighty senior lawyer even deigns to pick up his/her call. Bills pile up. Months and years go by. Clients die waiting for closure. Yes, it’s a heartless system. And now comes the ugly revelation that stashing away stacks of mysterious currency notes at home is not the sole prerogative of corrupt politicians. A few careless lordships do it, too! One question: in today’s high-tech, digital money transfer times -- who hoards piles of cash at home? It’s so last century, dude. Your honour… We rest our case.

On a lighter, frothier note, I was so disappointed not to be pranked on April Fool’s Day this year. Globally too, there were no clever jokes people fell for… the reason may be simple: Everything has become a joke! Who and what is being taken seriously? The post-Trump, post-Truth world has recalibrated the joke-meter. We can accept just about any absurdity without blinking. Including alarming climate change. We have been warned this is going to be the hottest summer in 200 years. There was virtually no spring in 2025, and scorching heat is already upon us, as schools across India prep for heat strokes and issue warnings to shut classes in the afternoons if the mercury keeps rising.

Despite dire warnings, though, the “wedding of the century” is going to be celebrated with much dhoom dhaam in Venice. Jeff Bezoz and Lauren Sanchez have reportedly hired London-based wedding planners Lanza & Baucina to curate a non-stop three- day party for the lovebirds, even while locals protest, worried about the blight of over-tourism, in their fragile destination that depends so heavily on water levels in the canals. But why should that deter Bezoz? So what if his monstrous $500 million superyacht Koru cannot get close to the Grand Canal? Bezoz will find a way around the problem.

He has the POWER to change the world, remember? What’s a few overflowing canals here and there? Flying gondolas, anyone? Besides… his supernova guests wait for no one -- not even tides.

In Mumbai, we had our own tiny weather crisis this week, as Vivienne Westwood, the iconic British fashion brand, debuted dramatically in India, with a high-profile, much anticipated show at the far more iconic Gateway of India (mistakenly referred to as “India Gate” by the lovely Priyadarshini Scindia, one of the chief sponsors).

Unfortunately, it rained on Viv’s parade as the Mumbai skies opened up just as the show was about to begin. A few Bollywood stars posed miserably on the red carpet, with wet hair hanging like rats’ tails. But most were sporting enough to sit through a damp squib of a show that had neither Viv’s verve, nor the required rebelliousness that defines the brand. Not that any of this mattered to the insanely over-dressed “influencers” tottering around on sky-high platform heels -- they were totally absorbed clicking their own comic selves to glance at the ramp. With big-ticket backers like HSBC, it will be interesting to see if this almost comatose quintessential Brit punk meets rock fashion brand finds takers in India, no matter how sincere the collab with Aranya, our marvellous Chanderi weavers from Gwalior. There was a nod to khadi as well… but frankly, our own designers do both better.

And oh… the only showbiz person to nail the Viv look and spirit was Uuorfi Javed… Good on you, gurrrrl!

This Id-ul-Fitr hasn’t gone too well for Salman Khan. Sikander, his latest Id movie, has tanked at the box office and shocked diehard fans. Bollywood is tottering. Industry watchers are predicting more doom and gloom. It’s a serious wake-up call for all the biggies in the biz. Cut the flab, guys. Or perish.