Shobhaa De | To Kumbh or not to Kumbh: 12 years, 3 rivers, 1 holy dip

“To Kumbh or not to Kumbh -- that is the question. 12 years. 3 rivers. 1 holy dip”. That’s what a full-page newspaper ad for SpiceJet states, with the standard visual of an elderly sadhu blowing a conch, eyes shut, beard flowing, rudrakhsh malas around his neck and wrists. He is clearly mid-dubki, and entirely immersed in a meditative trance.

Around him a bunch of men are getting ready to take the plunge in the ice-cold waters of the three rivers at Prayagraj. The Maha Kumbh is here! And for the next month, the media will be in overdrive featuring similar images of holy men in saffron converging at this historic site to experience something so profound and inspiring, the watching world gasps at its enormity. I am in two minds -- to go or to skip? My memories of being at the last Maha Kumbh remain vivid and enthralling. No matter how much you read up on the Kumbh, no matter how many documentaries you watch or what others tell you, to understand and appreciate Kumbh, you have to be there yourself. And when you do make it, remember not to judge anyone or anything. Just surrender. Tell yourself how blessed you are to be a tiny, tiny, entirely obscure part of a life transforming event that demonstrates the power of faith in motion.Looking back, I feel my Kumbh love affair was complete and deeply fulfilling. To go back after nearly a quarter century, that much older and far more jaded, would dilute the romance. I’d rather stick to the images imprinted on my imagination, even if they are over-romanticised and exaggeratedly dramatic. The Kumbh does that to you. And you don’t have to be a religious freak to appreciate its magnificence.

On a more mundane but certainly alarming note, I am keying in this column with two masks covering my mouth and nose. Mumbai has been in the grip of the weirdest weather during the last fortnight -- cold and drippy one day, hot and sultry the next. This has resulted in a sharp spike in respiratory conditions, with everyone coughing and complaining of acute breathing problems. Now comes this scary report that the toxicity in the air in Mumbai has worsened from what it was before the Covid-19 pandemic. The PM2.5 levels peak during the winter months, leading to major emergencies in the megapolis: Mumbai is reeling right now. Combine that with the unwelcome arrival of another unknown demon -- HMPV. In our family alone, hardly anybody has been spared. We have been suffering long bouts of symptoms that suggest HMPV, but could be something less terrifying: just another friendly Chinese virus attacking our throat and lungs! Who knows? The prohibitive cost of the Respiratory BioFire test is between 25K and 30K. Since young children are the ones most affected by the deadly virus, parents are in panic mode, rushing kids to hospitals if they sniffle or sneeze.

Dr T. Jacob John, medical virologist and vaccine expert from Vellore, insists that there should be no comparison between HMPV and Covid-19. The good doctor says that HMPV has an extremely low fatality rate and primarily affects the very young and the elderly. Well, after the mass devastation caused by Covid-19, it’s understandable that nobody wants to take a chance.I am shakily leaving to attend the most wonderful AKLF Lit Fest in Kolkata, and wondering which polluted city will be worse for my health -- mental and physical -- Mumbai or Kolkata. If some obscure virus does not fell me in my own city, will Kolkata reverse my fate? The vaatavaran in Didi’s “City of Smog” is a downer, but I so love my short trips to “Cal”. Funny how one automatically shifts gears on landing and gently wafts into another era. Lovely how the folks in Kolkata are in no hurry to catch up with the rest of India, forget the world. They happily live in a time warp that lulls them into believing “Aaal Eeeez Well”, when it so obviously isn’t! Delulu Didi -- how do you do it???

In Mumbai, Zeeshan Siddiqui, son of slain political leader Baba Siddiqui, is demanding answers to some significant questions about the brazen murder that left people fuming over the so-called “investigations” by the cops. Zeeshan wants to know how and why the Crime Branch ruled out the SRA (Slum Rehabilitation Authority) angle and arrived at misleading conclusions about his father’s killing at point-blank range, allegedly by the Bishnoi gang. The three motives of the killers, say the cops, were primarily Baba Siddiqui’s close association with actor Salman Khan, the gang’s aim to establish supremacy in Mumbai, and finally to extort money from Bollywood bigwigs and business people. Nobody believes the cops. That’s how low their reputation has fallen. Zeeshan has not publicly named the builders he suspects are behind the assassination, but all of them are named in his statement. Citizens are with Zeeshan on this -- it is widely believed the Crime Branch is protecting the powerful builders’ lobby. The theories doing the rounds are hair-raising, leaving open the question of how blatantly compromised our cops are. And if the cops are indeed shielding the builders, we also know who the political patrons of these builders are -- has Zeeshan dared to name them? Cops do not work in isolation. They follow orders. Whose orders were they following in this case?Never a dull moment in Manic Mumbai. Which is something I love about my city. It keeps us all on our toes, wondering which calamity may catch us off guard and when. The recent case of two vehicles with identical number plates being intercepted in front of the iconic Taj Mahal Palace Hotel has once again got us wondering. The version put out by the cops does not add up. Apparently, one of the drivers was shocked to find an identical car with the same number plate cruising past. He alerted the cops who showed up and marched off both the drivers to Colaba police station. The cops claim it was nothing more sinister than a car loan gone wrong. Really? What are the odds of these two “identical” cars being in the exact same area, and, wonder of wonders, getting caught? Who was in those two cars, besides the drivers?More drama coming up. The Theatre of the Absurd never disappoints a hungry audience!