Farrukh Dhondy | How ‘petitions’, a ‘democratic’ idea, may be going over the top in Britain

Had extremely little to say

His principal con

Prevailed upon

Gullible idiots who would pay

To listen to sermons galore

Which are really a literal bore

And not too complex

Pushing ‘freedom’ and sex

Pandering to the White insecure”.

From The Ponderings of Bhagwan Shree Bachchoo

Sweet are the uses of democracy, which, like the toad, ugly and venomous, wears yet a precious jewel in his head… because it was democratic processes that rid Britain of the corrupt and disastrous prime ministerships of Boris Johnson, Liz Truss (she lasted 49 days in the post!) and through a general election Hedgie Sunak.

The dismissal of Hedgie was universally well-reported as it was the verdict of a UK general election, with an almost unprecedented historical defeat for the Tory Party. The other two dismissals of BoJo and Truss were the result of the internal workings of the Tory Party -- letters from undisclosed MPs, secret ballots and “et tu Brut” moments.

The party’s rules specify that if 15 per cent of the Tory MPs send in letters demanding a change of leadership to the chair of the party’s “1922 Committee”, which represents sitting party MPs, then a vote of no-confidence in the Prime Minister has to be held. This is a secret ballot of all Tory MPs and if it results in more than 50 per cent voting for the PM to go, he or she has to resign.

And all of this came, by legitimate democratic procedure, to pass, leading to the resignation of Bojo and Liz the UnTrussworthy biz! Subhan Allah!

And now, gentle reader, in the unwritten constitution of the United Kingdom, this sceptred isle, there exists a forum for the voice of the citizens to be heard. In the era of the email, signature petitions with support for one cause or contention or the other, circulate through the ether. I get several of these every week through my email.

These ask you first to sign a petition supporting some cause which the originators are concerned with or desperate about. So, a request for a signature may start with a very personal plea. It may say something like “My daughter Carol died of cancer at the age of 26 because the doctors at XYZ hospital wrongly diagnosed her fatal symptoms as ‘long-Covid’.” The petitioner then wants Parliament to pass some law which he or she believes may stop such fatally wrong tragic diagnoses to result in what their family had to suffer.

Very serious heart-rending stuff on occasion. But will any possible parliamentary action sort out the problem?

OK, I signed a petition saying don’t raise the fees for students at university.

Once you sign, the next email asks you to contribute a small sum of money to help spread the petition so more people will be asked to sign. The petitioners even say £2 will bring X number of signatures, £10 will bring 6X number… etc.

The petitions are then submitted to Parliament, which has to determine whether they are compelled by the public interest demonstrated by the petition to hold a parliamentary debate about the concern.

Through this procedure, in the past weeks, a petition demanding that a fresh general election be held as the people of Britain were hoodwinked into voting for Sir Keir Starmer’s Labour Party, has garnered two million or so votes.

One can imagine that this petition was initiated, not by jokers, but by bad-loser Tories and their supporters in the right-wing press and even, possibly, Trumpies who can use the anonymity of email to not reveal their nationality.

So, the satirical magazine Private Eye characterised the typical signatories to it with names similar to Ivan Tophuck, I.P. Wildly, Z.E.E. Kingpin and A. Merrykan… etc.

The news is that the pathetic petition was supported by Kemi Badenoch, the sad new Tory leader. Of course, the Tories said that Keir Starmer should act on the will of the likes of I.P. Wildly and call a fresh general election. Sir Keir Starmer seems to have just one use for the petition, and it now rests in carefully torn bits in the sewers under the House of Commons.

The Tories, of course, represented Keir Starmer’s ignoring of the two-million-strong petition as his contempt for democracy. And yes, folks, this is the same Tory cry-baby party that rejected outright a petition from six million people, who signed it after the very narrow Brexit vote (51%), which called for a second referendum, which would perhaps have reversed the decision of the British voters when the true desperately-negative impact of Brexit became evident.

The Tories at that point declared that the petition was an act to subvert the democratic (51%) will of the people. Fair enough? Or is the word Hippo (something)?

And now, I receive on my computer screen a petition to deny the mayor of London, Sadiq Khan, a knighthood. I had no idea that Sadiq, whom I have on occasion been acquainted with, was being considered for such an honour which he, through his entire record in office and as a human rights lawyer of principle, richly deserves.

These denial-demanding petitioners say, quite explicitly, that Sadiq is a “terrorist” and supports Islamist terrorism which is about to destroy Britain.

So true! Just as true as Kemi Badenoch is in reality a Lizard from outer space sent by Marxist aliens to destroy the entire planet.