Patralekha Chatterjee | Let people celebrate, or India’s rise will be hurt

That is exactly what happened to Ashar Choudhury and Avani Bhargava, an inter-faith couple. Both are professionals based in the United States. Earlier this year, they registered their marriage under India’s Special Marriage Act 1954 with the Consulate-General of India in San Francisco. The couple had plans for a joyous wedding reception this month with family and friends in Aligarh, their hometown. Invitation cards were distributed.

But then things took an astonishing turn.

What was meant to be a happy occasion ended in a heart-breaking story. As widely reported by the media, a motley bunch of people belonging to assorted Hindu nationalist groups in Aligarh got to know about the reception and decided to take things into their own hands. They protested, submitted a memorandum to the local administration, and threatened dire consequences if the reception took place. The couple, they asserted, had no right to celebrate their marriage because one was a Muslim and the other a Hindu, and a reception would “disrupt communal harmony”.

“We are not against their marriage as they are adults, but we opposed the get-together scheduled for December 21. Such functions could lead to more interactions between young men and women of the two different communities,” the coordinator of one of the Hindu nationalist outfits told journalists.

Both families have now announced that the reception is cancelled due to “unforeseen circumstances”. Clearly, there were concerns about the safety of the couple. One media report I read noted that the memorandum also brought up other issues such as the mistreatment of Hindus in Bangladesh.

I am still rubbing my eyes, trying to find a link between the situation of Hindus in Bangladesh and a proposed wedding reception in Aligarh where the couple happen to be from different faiths.

Arguably, in hyper-polarised India, frenzy about Hindu-Muslim marriages grabs the most attention but it is by no means the sole marker of undue community interference. Another recent report from Bulandshahr, Uttar Pradesh, pivots around a Dalit constable’s wedding procession which was allegedly attacked by upper caste men who objected to loud music played by DJs. Reports say the goons vandalised the vehicle, threw stones, and forced the groom to get off his horse. In the melee, several guests were injured. “The accused not only prevented the playing of music and the procession but also resorted to threats, brandishing firearms and unleashing casteist slurs on baraatis. They threatened to kill us for filing a complaint…,” the bride’s brother told journalists.
We are at the fag end of 2024. Tumultuous changes are sweeping across the world. A lot has changed in the country too. But some things obstinately persist. India continues to celebrate individual Muslims who are visibly successful, lauded internationally and, who add to the sheen of Brand India. But in many parts of the country, harsh behaviour towards ordinary people belonging to the minority communities is becoming the norm.

Inter-faith marriages remain a political and socio-cultural hot potato, triggering threats, intimidation and sometimes violence. It is now socially acceptable to interfere in other people’s personal lives, label the celebration of an inter-faith marriage as “instigation” to communal harmony.

Several Indian states have enacted laws requiring couples to inform the authorities of inter-faith marriages and conversions. These laws can potentially encourage community surveillance of weddings, where individuals or groups may selectively challenge marriages or create a situation that can delay or disrupt specific wedding celebrations. The groups argue they have social sentiment backing them.

We are in dangerous terrain with such arguments.

Such is the continued frenzy over inter-faith marriages in India that “safe houses” or shelters are becoming critical. The Special Marriage Act 1954 allows Indian citizens to marry, irrespective of their religion, caste, or ethnicity, through a civil procedure. Such legal provisions exist to protect the rights of inter-faith couples to marry, but on the ground, wedding processions in India can be disrupted due to a mix of familial opposition, societal and religious pressure, as well as administrative interference. What happened in Aligarh has happened before and could well happen again.

Recently, the Bombay high court suggested that state guest houses in districts be used as “safe houses” for inter-caste and inter-faith couples facing threats. The court has directed the Maharashtra social justice and home departments to come up with a draft policy circular for the safety and protection of couples in the state who may be facing security issues due to inter-caste or inter-faith marriages.

This should make us think. Safe houses for inter-faith couples would be unnecessary if the police and other government agencies were serious about cracking down on those trying to make the lives of these couples miserable.

India needs to introspect.

As the year winds down, community interference in wedding processions in India remains a significant concern, particularly for inter-faith and inter-caste couples. There has been progress toward greater acceptance of diverse relationships but the cancelled wedding reception in Aligarh shows that disruptors feel emboldened.

How much longer are we going to allow this frenzy over inter-faith marriages to distract us from the pressing everyday problems facing ordinary Indians? In a free country, adults should be free to love and marry whoever they wish to, and to celebrate the way they wish. Worryingly, the line between community spirit and community interference is blurring. If this continues, we will legitimise and empower people who believe in community interference in private lives.

Where do we go from here?

These are tough times. Huge political shifts are taking place across the world. Uncertainties loom ahead. India has a choice: it can either put all its energy into addressing the monumental challenges that remain and work towards fulfilling grand aspirations, or it can allow itself to be repeatedly distracted, let self-anointed custodians of the national interest decide what others should eat, who they should meet, with whom they should mate and what and how they should celebrate?

The question that pops up as the year winds down -- can a hugely diverse country which talks about leading the world, joining the club of modern “developed nations”, continue to work itself into a frenzy over who marries whom? As we ponder the changes transforming the world, we must realise that erecting barriers between communities will eventually take the shine off the India story. No one should be allowed to deny others their right to celebrate joyous moments. Development is not about disrupting wedding processions and ceremonies on flimsy grounds.