Shobhaa De | ‘Drill, baby, drill’, declares POTUS amid global furore

And so… on to another Republic Day. As India celebrates “Swarnim Bharat; Virasat aur Vikas’’ (Golden INDIA: Legacy and Progress), it’s time to cheer ourselves and feel good about our republic, which is now 75 years old. Prabowo Subianto, the President of Indonesia, has been invited as chief guest -- a shrewd, diplomatic move that smoothly takes the edge off a few prickly, unresolved issues we have struggled with in the past. This will be his first visit to India after assuming office in 2024. In a major breakthrough, this year will be a citizen-friendly Republic Day parade with a mobile app and the Rashtraparv Portal for ticket booking, seating and parking information.

Republic Day has always been so Delhi-centric, the rest of India feels kind of excluded. Watching it live on television totally takes away from the grandeur of the occasion, which by any description or standard is indeed spectacular. I rate it as one of the most impressive parades on earth, combining so many diverse elements, without disturbing the rhythm or scale. From colourful floats to the dramatic flypast, to say nothing of our marching Army (one of the smartest, most valiant in the world), it is one mammoth-sized spectacle we have managed to get just right -- never mind how many different governments have run the show over seven decades. Thanks to the vision of our original leaders, the Republic Day parade that was first held in New Delhi on January 26, 1950, had Indonesia’s President Sukarno as President Rajendra Prasad’s chief guest (we have come full circle in 2025). Had this magnificent, ceremonial tradition not been introduced 75 years ago, by extraordinary leaders with an ambitious vision for the nation, it would not have grown into what it is today: an event every Indian can be rightfully proud of – it’s our day to show off -- we’ve got it, and we love flaunting it!

Donald Trump can teach global leaders a thing or two about the art of flaunting flamboyantly -- and to hell with niceties. The buzz in Delhi was that the Donald himself would show up as the “surprise” chief guest for Sunday’s Republic Day parade, fresh off his inauguration hoopla.

But weren’t we cold-shouldered by the “Doh-Naald”? Par kyon, bhai?India ka kasoor kya hai? Apparently, Subrahmanyam Jaishankar had been hard at work for two long months, trying to score an invite for Prime Minister Modi, insists the Delhi grapevine. “Ain’t happening, bro”, he was told.

True or false? Only the MEA folks know for sure. Khair, the world watched as the most powerful man on earth was given the royal snub -- by none other than his wife. Icicle Melania. The First Lady deliberately chose a hat (called a “boater” -- yes, it is what the gondoliers in Venice wear), with a rim so wide, the newly-minted President couldn’t get past the barricade to plant the presidential kiss on his wife’s cheek. I fear for her hat designer (celeb milliner Eric Javits), who must have been complicit in this mighty act of rebellion by the statuesque Melania, who looked like she was dressed for the Derby or a military parade. Dam Lippes, the New York-based designer, replaced Ralph Lauren for the First Lady’s second inaugural outing… and the fashion police are busy squawking.

But it was our diminutive Telugu beauty, Second Lady Usha Vance, who managed to steal the limelight from Melania Trump, a former model, wearing an Oscar de la Renta outfit, poetically and rapturously described as “a custom peony cashmere coat with scarf wrap and complementing tea-length dress”. Some, less imaginative critics called it “bubble gum pink”. Never mind. The Second Lady couldn’t stop grinning all throughout the ceremony, leading to comments like: “Is she auditioning for a toothpaste commercial?” Ouch! Apart from these two high-profile women, Ivanka Trump’s olive green beret made her resemble an overworked Marine or Prince Harry on combat duty in Afghanistan -- but that’s a personal view.The real rule-breaker was the outrageous President himself, who went right ahead and slammed/trashed former Presidents without mincing words – Joe Biden, Bill Clinton and Barack Obama were seated just five feet away, and had to smile through the insults being hurled at them from the presidential podium. Rough, rude and crude, Trump told the American people: “These guys screwed you… they are corrupt…’’ in almost as many words. Unprecedented. “Nobody goes in for the kill during an inaugural address -- but Trump did just that’’, said an incredulous commentator on the Piers Morgan show. Maybe the trio had it coming!!!

Besides, he who has the mic, has the power. Suck it up, guys! The world has been promised a “revolution of common sense” by The Donald. He isn’t wasting a moment. For starters, no citizenship at birth for kids of H-1B holders, he thundered on the first day of his second term. And five million Indians in America shuddered at the long-term implications of this order. Next, he opted out of the WHO and immediately withdrew (again) from the Paris climate agreement. Environmentalists the world over are venting. He signalled that one of his campaign slogans --“drill, baby, drill” – was now US government policy, amid a “national energy emergency”. But hey -- TikTok is back! Rejoice…

Closer to home, the Saif Ali Khan case is being furiously debated across drawing rooms, with self-styled, super ignorant forensic experts and doctors offering expert opinions on “what REALLY happened” that dramatic night. Fortunately, the actor is safely recuperating at home after the vicious knife attack, which the police claim was perpetrated by a random Bangladeshi man. Really? A man with nothing to lose since he is an illegal immigrant -- paperless, homeless and jobless. We are supposed to buy into the theory that Mohammed Shariful Islam Shehzad was just another desperado who happened to wander into a star’s luxury home, after crawling through an open bathroom window. If you insist, Mr Commissioner. Only if you insist. At the moment, nothing adds up. Our Mumbai cops are bloody smart. Over-smart! Some of them would make award-winning script writers of whodunits. Remember … Shri Devendra Fadnavis, our dynamic chief minister, had proudly declared that “Mumbai is one of the safest mega cities in India” right after the attack. We totally believe you, Sirji… After your assurance about what a safe city we are fortunate enough to live in, I have also started leaving my bathroom window open at night. Who knows, there may be a random Bangladeshi in the compound, looking for a clean loo to pee. Be my guest…