“Anger isn’t a bad thing. It’s a natural emotion just like sadness, fear, or guilt. The issue is not anger arising, but what you do with it.” This is an important piece of advice that speaker, author, and podcast host Brendan Burns shares when coaching individuals on the topics of business, relationships, and achieving peak performance.
Burns often debunks common myths and misconceptions about anger at his live events, as well as on his podcast The Brendan Burns Show. In that vein, he often teaches people how to use one of his favorite emotional healing tools: Anger Releases. “An anger release allows you to express anger in healthy ways rather than repressing it and later exploding in pent up frustration,” Burns shares. He adds that they can help you can process and release any anger you’ve bottled up so that you can move forward mentally and emotionally.
To get started, Burns describes, you first need to set up a safe place. This can be in a home, apartment, or bedroom, just somewhere private. Alternatively, it can also be done in a safe group setting, such as at a retreat, with guidance by trained therapists or practitioners.
Burns continues, “Next, you want to get to that anger up to the forefront. You can journal about your anger, or recall a specific situation where you felt very angry. The goal is to specifically list out why you’re angry and what you’re angry about.” He advises writing it out. The focus of this step is to get your anger to the surface.
“You may physically feel the anger in your body and that is normal,” Burns says. One suggestion he shares is to do a quick visualization and imagine yourself back in the situation that made you angry. If it was an email or a text message, pull it up and read it, just bring those emotions to the surface. Then once you’re angry, you’re really feeling it, that’s when it’s time to move on to step three.
Once you feel the anger, Burns states, “begin releasing that anger in a healthy way by yourself.” You could hit pillows, yell into a pillow, walking around speaking to that person and telling them how you feel, whatever you need to release your anger.” Burns shares that even though this may seem odd or scary, these are actually some of the most powerful ways to get anger out in an empowering way so it doesn’t build up or fester. Or turn into you yelling at that person and hurting them.
This is one of the healthiest and best things you can do for your entire life. Burns says, “If you can let your anger out when you are alone, you’ll be so calm, peaceful, happy, and at ease when you are with others.” And perhaps best of all, “You’ll be able to move on without taking your anger out on people in unhealthy ways.” In the beginning this may be hard. Anger releases took Burns years to master, but he mentions that he’s now at a point where if he gets angry, he can immediately go do an anger release and feel so much better afterward.
Burns emphasizes that once your anger is released, it is vital to take time and cool down. “At this point, you’re going to be really amped up, which is good because you want to get that anger out. But you have to then come back to reality,” he says. You can do this in a number of ways:
• Do a journaling session by writing only about positive emotions you now feel
• Switch your music from angry music to soothing music that will calm you
• Practice deep breathing to help you refocus.
• Go for a walk, cuddle with your dog, do something nurturing towards yourself
“You can get creative with this,” Burns shares, “but the emphasis of this step should be on getting you back to a neutral, or even relaxed, emotional state.” If you’ve never done an anger release before, Burns describes that it can be very overwhelming. But he also knows that anger releases can be a game-changing experience that can unlock your ability to master your emotions and process anger in a healthy way. His parting challenge to readers? “Make sure you set aside time to be alone and have enough of a buffer afterwards to cool down and come back into peaceful emotions. It’s an investment in your mental health and overall happiness, and it can have a tremendous impact on your life.”
Today, Burns helps people from around the world maximize their lives. He shares all of his best business and self-development tools, to help people achieve high levels of success, fulfillment, and most importantly, happiness. He currently works with high performers, professional athletes, business executives, and others interested in personal or professional development. Brendan also manages the @brendanhburns account on Instagram, which has more than 100,000 followers. He currently resides in New York City, where he hosts the iTunes Show “The Brendan Burns Show,” which is also featured on Spotify.
